Home

I'm home!!!

My return was filled with mixed emotions... I was very sad to leave the Philippines. I cried; I've never done that before leaving anywhere, not even home. I developed such a bond and relationship with the people. I have great friends there that I will miss very much, but I am thankful for skype and facebook! God blessed me so much with friendships. They were a great source of encouragement, they taught me a lot (about the culture, about myself, about God and serving Him, and using relationships for ministry). I'll talk more about these specific lessons and people later :)

I felt comfortable there, still stretched, but I felt at home. I knew I was loved, appreciated, and cared for. We all spent lots of quality time together, which is the best! Some people have asked me about my favorite part of the trip... I'd have to say it was developing relationships, not an actual "event." Sure, I had lots of amazing experiences and opportunities, but its the people that really made those events memorable. Some people collect "things" or possessions, but I collect people. I'll share my "collection" with you in my next post... but my comp crashed after I got all my pics uploaded (haha) so until its up and running again my blogs will be just words and no exciting pics.

An update about home...

I stayed up all night my last night in the Philippines and had an amazing time, but the result was exhaustion. My flights felt like they went super fast, I slept seriously the whole time, which was a major blessing. Mom, Dad, Jewel, Jeff, Joni, Leah & Mallory greeted me at the airport. Joni made me tasty cookies. Leah and Mallory grew tons - it was only my second time to see my youngest niece Mallory! :) She is stinking adorable, never cried for Aunt Jessie. Leah reached out for me right away, i'm her absolute favorite :) She got out of her stroller and watched for my luggage with me, each time a suitcase came down the ramp onto the belt she'd laugh, it was hilariously adorable. Then she pulled my luggage around with gramps while I cuddled Mallory. Then we went to Jeff & Joni's and I had them try the tamarinds I snuck home in my luggage. They were initially grossed out by the looks but everyone enjoyed them but Jewel... who barely even took a bite big enough to taste it.

I'm not struggling getting adjusted to the time change... yet... i don't think. I'm staying up super late, which is normal for me. I slept in Saturday but got up early for church this morning. I haven't taken any naps - I guess we'll see how tomorrow goes :)

It was so great being at my home church today. Sunday school, worship, and the preaching satisfied my soul perfectly. It was encouraging and convicting at the same time. I felt God's presence alive and real, I'm so blessed. I know I don't always have to feel it, but it sure is nice when I have that assurance. I also got like a million hugs and "welcome home, we were praying for you!" greetings. I have so many faithful prayer supporters! Then tonight after the service I went out to eat with David & Michele - ahh, i love them, they are like my family :) It was great to reunite and share my experiences before they head to Puerto Rico with Jewel. They were so excited and wanted to hear everything, yay! because I love talking about it all!!! This afternoon my mom came to my room and we talked on my bed for over an hour, which was great too... we needed that time together. She's so supportive of me and my endeavors. Family is super important to me!

Anyways, that's all for now :)

"Be joyful always.
Pray continually.
Give thanks in all circumstances,
for this is God's will
for you in Christ Jesus."
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Something is missing...

Well, I've only got one more morning here. Today breakfast was relaxed, the usual - pancakes, steamed fish, rice, and Joel surprised me with omelets. I slept well last night. Yesterday was a great day and I went to bed with a happy heart. My departure will definitely be bittersweet - I am not looking forward to leaving at all. I'm so sad thinking about it, I am going to miss these people so much, and the culture and atmosphere. I'll be missing you... I'm going to miss the flexibility here, the laid back atmosphere, how we can laugh at anything or anyone. I'm going to miss the good food - especially adobo, lumpias, pancit canton, lumpias, sugar bananas, carbonara, and perfectly ripe fruit, maybe even kare-kare, sinagang, and rice cakes. I'm going to miss the random outings to go to the mall or a touristy spot. I'm going to miss living with kids (Jed & Aiah) and the kids from VBSs. I'm going to miss the simplicity of my living conditions. I'm going to miss hanging with the youth, oh my, really going to miss that. I'm going to miss seeing new things and meeting new people everyday. I'm going to miss being challenged - physically, spiritually, and mentally. I'm going to miss my heart-to-heart conversations with the pastors here, Joel & MJ are always available when I need them. I'm going to miss crazy jeepney (especially Alex Bing, haha) and tricycle rides. I'm not going to miss ipis - the kill count is 12 - and I'm not going to miss mosquitoes.

I have made some amazing friends here and know I'll be leaving part of myself here when I leave. I have gotten so attached here, way more than I expected to. But, I am so thankful for facebook and skype - knowing that we can keep in touch. I already have plans to come back next year... thousands of reasons of course... and I know i'll learn a lot in the waiting time before my plane lands here again. I've had so many great opportunities and experiences, and while I know that I will never forget them.. its also just not the same at home.

While people at home may sit and listen to my stories, most won't truly understand, and how could they? When I get home I'm not sure what I'll need more - personal quiet time to unload and debrief myself, or lots of people and social interaction to help distract me. Returning home will be emotionally and physically difficult, but hopefully I stay strong enough to not let that wear me down spiritually. I am so focused right now and know that I can do this with God's strength. It is an awesome feeling - full of peace, strength, joy, and assurance. My devotional time is going great - I have lots of free time, haha :) - and I'm learning a bunch. I just need good accountability to keep me focused and on-track. I know the devil is going to fight hard! But, guess what - he won't win! Last year when I returned from the Philippines I felt so spiritually strong as well, then I was a counselor at the youth and kids camps, and continued to grow. Then around July/August I hit a dry spot that lasted way too long. My free time this summer could either be a really great thing or a bad thing... My goal is to read at least one book per week!

So that's part of the reason I'm not looking forward to being home... But what am I looking forward to about being home?..

Its not the physical comforts of home I miss the most... but I am looking forward to my own bed and shower. I miss certain foods - cold milk and Frosted Flakes or Honey Nut Cheerios, cookies, and popsicles. I miss the people the most - my family and friends. I want to cuddle and tickle my niece Leah; and hold, rock and feed Mallory. I miss sitting down and just chatting, having deep conversations, and laughing b/c i actually got the joke (haha). I want to be with my family and tell them my stories, and to know what has happened in their lives while i've been away. I miss my church family tons - I want to hear Pastor Bob preach, worship in Horizon , hear Ruth Landis play the piano, and Andrea/Michele/Suzanne do special music. I want to walk around and give hugs to all my prayer & financial supporters at church; I want to share with them all the blessings & lessons i've received on this trip. I want to stay up late drinking starbucks and scrapbook with the ladies. I want to play games - Carcassone or Settlers of Catan (not Uno, haha). I wanna go out with Jade and talk about baby Samuel. I'm ready for camping season - the revival speakers and working with the cute kids. Staying up super late and causing mischief. I'm ready to sleep the day away and not worry about a schedule. I'm ready to wake up and just relax, to read a good book, to sit in the sun by the pool, and to be in the pool. I'm excited to go on long walks or bike rides, and to go back to the gym. I'm ready to be in the driver's seat again... i'm a restless car passenger I think (need control? haha). I'm ready to wear something other than basketball shorts, t-shits, and flip-flops. I want to straighten my hair and condition it multiple times, haha. I'm ready for English all the time, that's been emotionally draining sometimes... I think (hope) i've been patient with it though. I'm excited to keep learning Tagalog too!

Anyways, maybe this will be my last post before arrival in the States... maybe not. I think I have a full schedule ahead. Lots of people to wish me farewell and send me on my way. I just wonder if there will be more people taking me to the airport or picking me up from the airport, haha.

Finished Product!

Last Monday we finished painting the murals at Onesimo. I didn't get a picture of the very last one we did - it was a bug and it was saying "Come, Let's Study!". Anyways, it was lots of fun. I loved hanging out with Pastor Stan and the youth. We had a great time bonding and talking and getting to know each other. These are the moments i really cherish - I've developed some great relationships with some great people. I'm going to miss them so much but i'm thankful for Facebook and the opportunity to look forward to another return next year :)

More of the same kids came back to help paint, but they painted walls in other rooms, they didn't help with the murals. A few of the same street kids came back again too, Omina (the sister of Amira the muslim I hung out with the week before) came back and talked with me. They all remembered me (of course, the only whitey) and were happy when I remembered them! It's the simple ways that I can make a difference...

May-Anne and I

I love this girl!
What a mess!

We started with the primary colors + black & white and then made our own colors
Cute little boy hanging out
The finished turtle

Notice the title of the book is IWU :) haha
Pas Stan putting on the finishing touches
A pencil in the door way
Robin showing off his hard work

He did the angel all himself!
May-Anne, Robin & I hanging out

While others worked ;) haha jk
The kids did this

Except the white hands are mine, haha ;)
Micah, Sister Rachel, Robin and I

Sister Rachel works at this Onesimo drop-in center
Classroom door to the outside

With a Bible verse
The finished chicken!

Perfect Timing

Yesterday morning I went with MJ, Joel and his family to a pastors convention. I got to see lots of friends, which was nice. There were 3 seminars and we stayed for the first 2. The first was on "bringing order to the church". Most of it was in Tagalog but thankfully the power-point was English, so I could still learn some :) Afterwards we broke up into groups and I went with the young pastoras and we talked about what we learned. The biggest points were on partnering in team work, continuous learning, having accountability, practicing the sabbath, being bold & vocal, be relational - build friendships, and being open with the senior pastor. In the past couple of years my pull towards ministry has grown, which is why I added a focus on urban ministries with social work. Anyways, it was just a really good time of fellowship with other ladies who are facing the same kind of things as me, except they're already in the field i'm just preparing for. I struggle a lot with the language barrier, it gets lonely sometimes, and its hard to talk things through with people.

Then this morning I woke up feeling rather empty, which is ironic since Saturday was such a refreshing day. For whatever reason the devil just attacked my spirit hard and I felt inadequate and dry. I've been spending so much time in the Word, prayer, and devotions but my time Saturday was cut short. I prayed then read for awhile and still felt so distant, I couldn't get focused. I grabbed some breakfast and came back to my bed - still crying out for God. I had 1.5 hours before Sunday school - i was not going to give up! I got a really encouraging text from Joel and one from Andrea at home. I prayed again and played some worship music. During "Desert Song" I broke with tears. God reminded me of the promises I needed to hear. Then "Desire" by Phil Wickham. Those 2 songs refreshed my spirit enough to give me focus. I sat in silence (the Lord even quieted the dog - hallelujah!) and solitude for 45 minutes. I felt absolutely amazing afterwards. I learned that sometimes I just need to slow down. I can't ever do anything to be adequate, though I want much more than adequacy. Reading the Bible isn't always an "automatic fix" either (though it can provide the perfect answers. For me, silence & solitude forces me to rely on His strength instead of my own (because in my own strength I get way too bored!). It was the quality time I needed with my King. I went into the worship service ready to sing my heart out and again the Lord met me.

GREATER IS HE WHO IS IN ME,

THAN HE WHO IS IN THE WORLD

Pascua Pamilya

The Pascua pamilya holds a very special place in my heart. They've opened their home and lives to me this year, that is something I could never thank them for enough. They've introduced me to some of my favorite parts of Filipino culture, and some of my not so favorites ... like bagoong. I've known them only one year but I'll never forget them. They are family to me now! Joel is like an older brother to me. He approaches me with advice and encouragement - he guides me in ministry and in life. We've had so many priceless moments together - memories full of laughter, love, and vulnerability. We've had so many indepth conversations - heart to heart talks - about life, love, and spirituality. He encourages me and convicts me. In our time together he has taught me so much, especially the importance of loving others... developing relationships is part of ministry! I don't have younger siblings, but his kids are that to me. When i'm having a rough day they lighten the mood, bringing lots of laughter. We have many inside jokes. I love spending time with them. I didn't cry when i left last year... or when my team left this year... but when I'm at the airport on June 25 I know i'll shed a tear, or two, or many.

I love you guys! Thank you for accepting me and loving me! I can't wait for more happy memories in the next week and even for the years to come!

Joel is always involved in ministry with us He loves the kids and the kids love him

With Joel and Richard at Baker's Hill in Palawan

They are the best kuyas!

Joel knows what i love - watermelon!

And treats me very well!

The family on our last night together last year

The kids got so big in one year!

Joel and I at the airport last year Happy because we knew I would be returning!

Jed and Aiah hanging out in my room!

With Joel & Richard for Megan's despedida

At De Villa Eschuvera

They find the best places! ~ We ate under the waterfall
Jeepney ride with Jed and Aiah :) They practically sat on top of me the whole time... But i loved it!!!
On our last night together last year Being ridiculous in restaurants... as normal ;)
Making faces at Holy Cow.There's never a dull moment when us 3 are together! We did this lots last year too!

Joel and his lovely half, Lenny

They celebrated their 13th wedding anniversary June 6

Joel being himself! Crazy and sweaty!
Joel & Richard make a cute pair
Sleeping silently (for once!)

Check out that earring!

Getting lunch for island hopping
Sistah!

Happy Birthday Aldean

Thursday, June 10

Waiting for him to get home...

Still waiting...

The gang

Basket with balutI was not the least bit interested in eating that again

The boys with his nephew

Robin serenading us while we wait

His momma making the meal

We hid in his room and "surprised" the birthday boy by throwing corn starch on him.

Pastor Aldean turned 25 on Thursday. The youth got together to help him celebrate. We finished painting and went to his house to wait for him to get home from class. He suspected us so he took his time. That's okay; while we waited I spent quality time with his dad. We talked theology, some of which was way over my head, but I enjoyed it still. He also told me stories about Aldean. Aldean finally got home and came down to his room - we threw corn starch on him and I videotaped it. He knew we were there but his reaction was still funny. Then we all hung out for a few hours and ate some food. I tried kare-kare for the first time and it was pretty good (except for the bagoong - definitely left that off!) I love these people, we had so much fun. The night was full of laughter - the best way to celebrate.

Change of Plans

Tuesday, June 8

I'm soaking in memories here. Memories that are going to last forever, I know it.

Last Tuesday we were supposed to paint at Onesimo but i didn't work out. We got a text on the way there that said we couldn't go anymore... we had to change plans. Initially I was frustrated, because I waited all day yesterday for this opportunity. But, then the boys found another ministry opportunity. So we (Joel, some Bagong Nayon youth, and I) went and hung out with kids (yay!). We had an amazing time. We were there for what seemed like forever waiting on kids - the boys threw rocks down the cliff and Joel taught me Tagalog. When the kids showed up we sang songs, told a story, played games, and had a merienda. Robin sang and danced for them while Marc showed them some magic tricks.

There was a sweet little boy named John Paul that just clung on me. He was shy at first but I cracked his shell and he jumped all over me and smiled and had a fantastic time. The kids took our hands and walked us around everywhere. I wish I had more than 2 hands because there were multiple kids hanging all over me and I wanted them all. I almost always had John Paul on one hand and Jules on the other with a little girl grabbing my leg. It was very tiring but I wouldn't trade that day for anything. I tried jackfruit and it was so good. Then we went to Aldean's to eat and I met his family. He gets to see his nieces and nephews all the time and it makes me jealous sometimes, haha.

The boys with a gorgeous view behind them.Robin, Joel, Marc and Rohmar

When Aldean arrived the kids surrounded him. They love him! It was a lot of fun to watch!John Paul is in blue and the boy with the huge smile is Jules.
I love it
Marc and Robin are exhausted and can't keep up with our energy.
Taking a break at the top of the hill. John Paul is still on me :)

Continuously on this trip I'm learning to soak in the little moments... to make myself aware of the ministry opportunities around me... to lighten up and enjoy what's happening...

He loves me!

He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us oh,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

And we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If His grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

That He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves...

In the midst of prepping for my message tomorrow I was blessed. I have literally spent hours alone in my room reading and praying and writing, then erasing and starting all over again. I thought I knew what I wanted to say - the message I wanted to get across... but that's the problem for all those hours, it was the message I wanted to share. I realized this through writing - journaling and debriefing - I didn't know where I was going so I just went on a tangent. Then it hit me. Instead of Him loving me how about I love Him?!?! So, you may think the title of this post and the song lyrics are misplaced if I want to talk about my love for Him, not His love for me. But its HIS love that makes me capable of loving Him.

I'm using portions of Psalm 139 as the text. Verses 17 and 18 say,
How precious to me are your thoughts O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake, I'm still with you.Then I started to think about what those thoughts might be... I came up with a list:

* When we'll spend time together next

* The last time we spent quality time together

* What I said to Him in our last conversation

* The things He tried to tell me but I wouldn't listen or respond

* Whether or not I show Him that I love Him

* The last love gift I gave Him

* What the future holds for us together

* How much He loves me

Yikes, I don't know about you but to me that is a scary list to think about my Lord answering. He is the Lover of my soul but do I really give Him enough of me? Do I love Him with 100% of what I am. Do I take enough time to show Him that I do? Does my love for Him overflow and affect the rest of my day? Do I walk, talk, and act differently? Do I have a smile on my face because of Him? Can my thoughts about Him each day be numbered? Whoa... that's a lot to think about. I know for sure this has given me the desire to refocus and re-prioritize.

On a different note, I also want to love others with the love that He has given me. As a social worker - someone with a passion for curing social injustices, for ministering to the needy and vulnerable... how easy is it for me to love the unlovable? Sure, my definition of unlovable is probably different than yours... and that's okay. This is just a personal conviction I need to work on...

Jewel

These are all pictures of her in Mozambique

Marveling at God's glory. Trees are the best in Africa...
Jewel has always wanted to go to Africa.
My grandparents were missionaries there - missions is in our blood.
Our grandad Ache is Jewel's hero.
He passed away before I felt like I really got to know him (kindergarden).
But he inspired Jewel and his memory lives inside of her.
Jewel, grandad would be so proud of you right now!

She says she calls this baby "The Tank"

Jewel is not just my twin and roommate but she's my best friend. She is so patient and loving towards me. I have hurt her so many times, but she still loves me. We had so much fun together - so many years of laughter and memories. There have also been tears because we have been through a lot together. We rely upon each other for strength and encouragement. She has taught me oh so much and keeps me accountable to work on my weaknesses. I don't tell her how much I appreciate and love her as often as I should. Many times we don't even use words (yeah, its that weird twin-vibe thing, haha) but know exactly what the other is feeling. We started down the same path in life but through the years we've veered in different directions. In 2004 we went on our first overseas mission trip together. Soon after she received her call into missions and I received mine for working with the impoverished. We have grown together through our missions experiences - both of our passions are developing. Now we are serving separately in what feels like worlds apart, she is in Mozambique, Africa while I'm in the Philippines. Her heart is in Camodia where she'll be living her life as a full-term missionary. It will be a sad day when she leaves, knowing its much longer than we're used to being seperate. But it will be a happy day because I will be (and am) so excited for her!

Soaking up the Indian Ocean

Please pray for Jewel. I love her. I miss her.
She needs Jesus' love, comfort, protection, and peace.
She is doing her internship and wants to learn and be stretched.
She is leading people to be saved; she is discipling them.
She is one awesome girl experiencing awesome opportunities.

Playing red-light green-light with the kids

Dear God, please be with Jewel. Please use her, guide her, be with her. Please strengthen her in these difficult times - give her the peace and comfort that only you can provide. Protect her from physical, emotional, and spiritual threats with the arms of your angels. Give her food to nourish her body and Your word to feed her soul. Show her who You are and what You have planned for her life - give her assurance and guidance in Your call and will for her. Teach her what to do and where to go - how to best be used in ministry for Your Kingdom. Love her in a way that only You can, bless her as a daughter of the King, help her to know how beautiful she is. Help her to soak in the experiences and not waste any opportunities. Give her relationships with the people that she can cherish forever. Bless her to have the time of her life.

Rocking an African skirt with her new friends

Painting at Onesimo

We've been painting at Onesimo for 3 days. The first day was a blast - I had an awesome time partnering with the youth and really accomplishing something. We were energetic and excited. Day 2 was not as much fun. We lost our energy and excitement and we were doing it just to do it. We still talked with one another but it wasn't what we wanted to be doing. We painted at the drop-in center... i thought we'd be at the house facility and that we'd still get to see and play with kids. There area few kids hanging at the drop in center, helping paint... but they're not interested in interacting with us no matter how hard we try. There are 4 or 5 boys, coming from the streets. The oldest boy is very aggressive to the youngest (JM) - he hits him and pushes him. JM takes it but you can tell it hurts him. It breaks my heart for both of them - both probably have very difficult backgrounds. One of the 10 year olds has a six pack - I mean this kid is built in a way that would make a college guy jealous. We talked about it and he's just a hard worker - does very physical labor to support himself. I think of 10 year old boys at home and what their childhood is like. It's drastically different here, esp in the poor areas. The third day (Friday) we started refreshed again. I was super tired but we were painting murals, which is more fun than touching up the seafoam-colored walls :/ Pastor Stan came to draw the murals and then we painted them in. It was fun to bring color and life to the room. The two paintings were of animals reading - its a classroom.

Pastor Stanley - our artist

Robin and I showing off

That's what you call team work!

While they were drawing the murals some girls came to the door to watch, saw me, and wanted to meet me. The whitey always stands out, haha. So, I went outside and spent probably 30-40 minutes talking with them. The oldest (11) was named Amira and she spoke very good English. She pointed to her covered head and said, "are you familiar with the muslim religion, with islam?" I said kinda and so we talked for a long time about our religions. She was very open and honest with me and was accepting of my sharing with her. We didn't talk about our holy books but we talked about customs and holidays. She comes to Onesimo for Christmas (today she came b/c they were giving free school uniforms) and loves it but her favorite muslim holiday is Ramadan. We talked about our families - she was very interested in mine. Her dad is a leader in their church - a 'father of our muslim people' she said. Then we started talking about her and school. She said she loves school but she gets picked on a lot - the kids make fun of her because she's just a poor muslim . The foreigners and Filipinos make fun of her and don't believe she's a scholar (78%+) because she's just a poor muslim. She said she tells them, "but I know English and you don't, so you're the stupid one!." I couldn't help but laugh...

I realized that Amira was the first muslim i've ever engaged in conversation with. I have been around them before but never on such a personal level. She got her cousins and little sister and introduced me to them all - one of her friends came by who's father just passed away the day before. We talked about that in a very solumn manner for awhile, I'm not sure how the religious differences realte to that issue.... Amira repeatedly told me how beautiful and nice i was. I would in turn say the same to her, she was an absolutely beautiful girl but wouldn't believe me. She would just respond and say "yes, all muslims are nice people..." I'm not sure why she thought she had to emphasize that to me so much... :/ If anything it made me feel optimistic that I could be a positive example of a "foreigner" to her. When we leave Onesimo to go to lunch we walk through a muslim neighborhood and market. Some of the people have said, "watch your stuff, there are a lot of muslims." Its just been hard to digest... especially because i experienced it from both sides of the fence today.

God is GOOD - ALL the time!

Hi =D Okay, so i'm having the time of my life here in the Philippines... but, I have to admit that sometimes I still do struggle here. Wednesday was one of those days...

We painted all day at Onesimo's drop in center (which i'll talk about in another post). While I had a great time talking and laughing with the youth I still left feeling really discouraged. I came home and met more discouragement because Joel is leaving tomorrow for Mindanao and will be gone for 4 days. I feel fine that he's gone but things will be different without him here. We talk a lot and he listens to me debrief, he teaches me things, and encourages me. Texting just won't be the same. He is the best Kuya to me :)

After dinner they were having prayer meeting at the church but I just came back to my room. Joel said I needed rest and I knew that I needed quiet time. I didn't want to be alone though... I was so upset that my stomach hurt. I needed to talk to someone. I thought of who would be perfect - Andrea. I'd talked to her just 2 days before and knew she'd be the one to tell me what I wanted and needed to hear. I was to the point of tears - okay maybe there were tears - I prayed that she'd be on and then I signed into facebook. Guess what? God answered my prayer and she was on.

We talked and our conversation was exactly what I needed to hear. She gave me spiritual and emotional affirmation. She prayed for me - that woman is a warrior through thick and thin. It doesn't really matter what I was struggling with.. but God met us right where we were - 12 time zones away. He came and filled us with His presence. He renewed our zest and passion. He encouraged us in the ways that He loves us and uses us .


Oh Lord, thank you for making me a woman who is capable of anything when You are the Master of my plans. I know it doesn't seem easy, but even when i am angry and hurt I know that I can call out to You! You will hear me and answer me You love me and want only what is best for me . Your love elevates me; it covers my sins, hurts, and weaknesses; and strengthens me with peace and direction. You empower and encourage me; You are so faithful and good to me. I am so excited to see how You are using me and where You will take me. I trust You with whatever You have in store for my life. I feel blessed and know that I am perfect in You - I am a daughter of the King. I'm so happy to get to know You more each and everyday as You reveal Yourself to me. You are my strength, my joy, my peace. I pray that through my life others can get even the smallest glimpse of Your holiness, purity, and love. Your love is the best love, my heart overflows with joy in You. Thank You for showing this to me today. Forever yours in perfect love.

Jessica Jane

Cainta Wesleyan Church

This morning Micah and I went to Cainta for church. Its at the Wesleyan Academy - so nice (it had air conditioning!) We had to take 2 tricycles, 2 jeepneys, and a taxi to get there. An hour later we arrived. It had been pouring down rain (with only 1 umbrella) so we were soaked and our feet were gross. We got there and met the Pastor who took us to a Sunday School class. At first i wasn't excited about it... but God slapped me in the face with a wake-up call and I was so so so blessed!
Here's what I wrote in my journal...

Sunday school was on James 4:13-17 and entitled "Boasting about Tomorrow." It him me as to how I'm approaching situations I'm dealing with here. The ice-breaker was sharing where we see ourselves being in 2 years and in 5 years. They called on me to go first (sure, we can pick on the whitey!). The lesson shared that we can't control the future, tomorrow is unsure, and life is short. We need to approach things as the Lord wills (Acts 18:21 and 1 Corinthians 16:7). It is boastful arrogance when we think we can plan and take control from God. he knows and contorls our future, so we should consult/entrust our plans to him. Not only that - but he loves us and wants whats best for us. We don't always know whats in our best interest.

God is all-knowing, all-powerful, and all-loving. Becuase of His infinite wisdom, He knows our future. Because of his great power, He controls our future. Because of His everlasting love, He wants to guide us and give us a good future. Becauseof who He is, we can entrust our future to Him. But ironically, we sometimes would rather trust others. James redirects us to who and what really matters when it comes to planning our future...

How do we know the things we plan for are in accordance with His will? Answer: prayer, reading of the scriptures, silence and solitude with Him (quality time!), and seek Godly counsel (parents, pastors, & friends). He is the only one who can provide the right guidance, wisdom and peace to protect us (emotionally, spiritually, and physically) and take us on the right course. This is especially important for me to pay attention to right now... I am praying to my loving God to commit to include Him in planning for my future and activities. I am making Him the Lord of my plans!

Onesimo

I am so excited. We finally got to go to Onesimo with Simon! When we picked him up to go we also picked up a family of 5 (a dad, his three sons, and their lola). They are from the squatter's village we visited earlier (Agham). Onesimo is a shelter for street kids - kids who come from abusive homes, are abandoned, neglected, orphans, children of addicts, or even addicts themselves. They provide shelter, clothes, food, tutoring, and the opportunity to have an actual childhood . There are 5 centers in Manila- for children and youth - with over 60 kids. We went to the children's center. Onesimo helps young people whose lives in the slums, or streets, are filled with hopelessness. Onesimo, they are introduced to a meaningful and restored life through Jesus Christ. Nonoy (14), had to work hard as a little boy, scavenging on the waste dump. His family broke up and he started sniffing glue. He says: "Here at Onesimo, I am experiencing a real family for the first time in my life."

The dad in the family we took is an alcoholic and cannot take care of his sons (4). The kids mom died of TB and their lola is getting too old to look after them the way they need to be cared for. So we took the family to Onesimo to see if the dad will let his sons (the 2 oldest) live there. The boys were so quiet, they reaked and looked malnourished, but they were adorable. The situation broke my heart - I'm nto sure if the boys knew what was happening or not. At one point Aiah (Joel's daughter, also came along) fell asleep on me and was snoring, the boys heard her and laughed. I wish I had the chance to bond with them... but it was such an awkward situation. They needed to spend their time together as a family. When we got there the family went to be interviewed. Onesimo is selective, so they interviewed the family to see if their situation is "desperate enough"... it sounds harsh but it really is best to do that. They want to make sure they're using their resources to provide for the neediest of kids. I'm not sure if the family was accepted (though I'm sure they were) or if the dad even agreed. I can't imagine making that decision - to give up your kids. I hope he agreed, what a true act of love - letting them go there to live because he knows that its really in their best interest, the way they can be loved, protected, provided for, and have hopes for a future.
Here is their website: http://www.onesimo.ch/en/startseite/

There are currently 12 or 14 kids staying there. It was a really nice facility. It is supported by "servants" (the same program Simon works with). Each kid is sponsored - around $20 a month. The kids can only stay there for 3 years and then Onesimo works to find another place for them, whether that's sending them back home (they also provide counseling and assistance for the families to make this possible) or another shelter/home. When the kids get there they don't have social skills or manners - they are independent and misbehaved. But in the short time i was there i could tell that this program has really changed their lives. The kids were so behaved. I was greeted with "good afternoon po." The kids came up and asked me to play with them. My heart melted in their big brown eyes. We played basketball; whenever i was standing still one 10 yr old boy just ran his fingers through my hair. I tried to give them all special attention but some just clung to me more than others.

The white guy is Daniel - the director of the center we went to.

Joel made connections with the director for me to do 1 week of my internship there. We will be painting part of the children's center, tutoring (teaching them to read and write) and helping in the street ministry to do "drop-in's". A "drop-in" is where Onesimo goes into a community and takes soap, bubbles, food, clothes, and games. They build relationships with the family and scope out kids who would benefit from staying at onesimus. This is exactly the type of program that I have dreamed of doing. I'm not sure what the opportunities are in the states because of the government regulations... but i know there are plenty of kids who would benefit. I don't want to be just involved in foster care/adoptions, or programs like the Boys & Girls club, YMCA, or After School Programs (that's an issue for another post). I am so torn and so broken over the degradation of our society. I ask God why I was blessed to be born into the life I live, why wasn't I born to a homeless family, a family in a squatter's village, a family where i'd be abused or neglected. I know He has a plan for me and I'm going to be as involved as possible to rid the WORLD of these social injustices.

I am so so so excited about going back - especially because there are only a dozen+ kids... I'll have quality bonding time with each of them!

Picture update of some highlights

At Baker's Hill (Palawan) with my 2 Kuyas (Filipino brothers). These guys are so special and take such good care of me. I've spent lots of quality time with them and have grown to love them. Joel is our host here and Richard is a good friend - our host in Palawan and now he travels with us some in Manila.

With Aldean at the youth service in Bagong Nayon. I will be speaking there on June 13. He is the youth pastor. We have spent a lot of time together. He has a great heart and is full of passion for his ministry. He has a great group of youth!

Island hopping in Palawan. This is a signature pose - its called the Jonas - named after Jonas at Vista Church (the dump area). He was a crazy 2 yr old boy that had us laughing all the time. Jerome (van driver) is first in front row, Joel (host pastor) is on the end, and Richard (the man) is at the end of the second row.

Team bonding while waiting to load the boat at the underground river. Aren't we a colorful bunch! You should be jealous you didn't get to wear those things - they smelled like someone else's b.o.

Riding in my favorite Jeepney (Alex Bing - i'll have to share stories later!) with my 2 favorite Filipino kids - Jed & Aiah. We'ved had many great times together. They call me "ate" (older sister), which is cultural. But its still means a lot to me b/c they are my family here.

Making faces with Joel and Jed while waiting for our food at Holy Cow. I just love this family - they are so much fun! We did a lot of this "face making" stuff in restaraunts last year.

Watching the sunset at SM Mall of Asia. We had an awesome time witnessing God's creative and glorious beauty. That's Francis sitting down and Aldean modeling.

At JE Camp for the Church's 10th anniversary. We went on a tour. These are the girls of the church that i've fallen in love with. It was my first day as the only American, so they were very accomodating with their English.