A Week From Hell

So, basically this week has been that - a week from hell. Nothing has gone right. Not much has been enjoyable. There have been many disappointments and setbacks, frustrations, and failures. WAY more lows than highs. Family life isn't so great right now. The weather is crap. My internship this week was bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. Some of the kids I work with lives really suck, and there's absolutely nothing they can do about it. I've realized how evil people can be. I've realized how dark souls can be are without Christ. Definitely a challenge to see the positives, though I'm forcing myself to think ahrd and find them.


I've also realized I'm terrible at taking care of myself. The whole hot topic social work words of "self care" have been the lowest priority on my list. I have not been able to process my terrible week, I just vent, which either makes me more mad or turns people of. I'm emotional, short on sleep, eating terribly, physically weak, spiritually exhausted, and loosing sight of my vision. I hurt someone very very very dear to me, and I'm scared of the consequences. *I do not want to lose you. I cannot lose you!*


One of the assignments for my "Integration of Christian Theology and Social Work" class is to read through a spiritual disciplines handbook and practice a different discipline each week. This week's theme is "Open Self To God" and one of the categories in it is Rest. Like whoa I need that. The challenge is to discipline myself by taking opportunities to Rest my Body and opportunities to Rest my Soul. The author said "we're human beings not human doings", which was like a 2x4 slap in my face. Maybe once I learn how to just be I'll be a more enjoyable person (enjoying life and opening up to let other's enjoy me). Eek, this is going to be a hard hard hard lesson to learn.

Update on my Internship

My internship is not exactly what I thought it was going to be, which is neither good or bad. I started out extremely busy, with rarely any down time. I was doing multiple groups and personal counseling sessions each day. For those who don't know, I'm doing a 21 hour-a-week internship at an elementary school (3rd to 5th grade). I also put out lots of fires (conflicts, bullying battles, tears, and teacher frustrations). I lead groups for "new kids" (new to the school), anxiety, positive choices (impulse control), friendship/ social skills, anger management, and divorce/parental separation/ parents fighting. I have a little more downtime now that the "new kids" groups are over. But that only happened just-in-time to start planning classroom lessons. There are 22 classes i have to go in each month and teach a lesson on a hot topic. October was "healthy minds, healthy bodies" and November is "bullying verses bothering".  I'm also on the IST (instructional support team) that create interventions (accommodations individualized education plans, behavior management plans, etc) for at-risk and/or struggling kids.

My supervisor must think i'm superwoman because she just keeps loading me up with stuff to do (with no extra internship time to do it). Oh, and let me just say, the principal is awesome. I love her, she's the best, seriously. She recognizes my hard work and really shows how much she appreciates me. The secretaries are hilarious. The things they do when (they think) no one is watching could win $10,000 on America's funniest home videos. Sometimes they dance, sing, talk to themself, and make fun of kids, teachers, and parents - it's all harmless, I assure you ;) Most of the teachers are great too. I've got my favorites for sure... Ms. Pohlemus, Ms. Armani, Ms. Ferrara, Mrs. Lucarelli and Ms. Wrue (not that those names mean anything to any of you).

School days aren't always golden streets. This week has been especially heavy and stressful. Here are some of the worst stories. One day we had to go on a medical LOCK-DOWN because a girl couldn't catch her breath and the hallways had to be cleared so the paramedics could get in. She was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance. Yesterday I had a boy sent to my office because he punched a kid in the stomach for cutting him in the breakfast line. He ended up falling asleep in my office because he didn't sleep the night before... he helps his dad SELL DRUGS.  He's only in the 4th grade. I've had another 5th grade boy cry in my arms because his parents are getting a DIVORCE, his dad has custody of him, and they're considered HOMELESS. His relationship with his dad is less than ideal. Today a 4th grader brought a GUN to school and his friend stole it from his backpack and SHOT the bus driver in the leg. I have kids with such high ANXIETY that they have a crying melt-down when their pencil led breaks. Another student asked if I knew what it was like to live in a home where NO ONE LOVES YOU. Parents come in for help because their kids yell PROFANITIES and hit them, refusing to get ready for school. Another set of siblings were KIDNAPPED by their dad, who lost custody because of battery, assault, and domestic violence... he now has custody again (????). There are other kids who i've seen wearing the same clothes nearly every day. A 4th grade girl who wears size 2 jeans WON'T EAT her lunch because people say she's fat. I meet with kids who were ABANDONED by their parents. I've never met so many elementary boys who play horridly VIOLENT video games. Also, i ate lunch with a kid who proceeded to take his sausage, rub it on the bottom of his shoe, and then eat it... that's just gross!

I'll give you some highlights... Standing in the hallways every morning before school and every afternoon after school to greet all the kids "good morning" or "have a good night", receive good morning or good bye hugs, and brighten their days (while they brighten mine). AND hearing the kids sing the school theme song ("Craig Hill's Way to Go) or motto ("healthy minds, healthy bodies") every Friday morning. Also, having kids tell me what all their learning or how they're growing from meeting with me. That totally makes my hard work worth it! I love third graders' gappy-toothed smiles and messy bed-hair.

Even though I love my internship, I totally understand "burn-out". Self-care is rare these days :/ I'm looking forward to a few up-coming breaks from school/internship to get some quality rest and relaxation.

Finished Product!

Last Monday we finished painting the murals at Onesimo. I didn't get a picture of the very last one we did - it was a bug and it was saying "Come, Let's Study!". Anyways, it was lots of fun. I loved hanging out with Pastor Stan and the youth. We had a great time bonding and talking and getting to know each other. These are the moments i really cherish - I've developed some great relationships with some great people. I'm going to miss them so much but i'm thankful for Facebook and the opportunity to look forward to another return next year :)

More of the same kids came back to help paint, but they painted walls in other rooms, they didn't help with the murals. A few of the same street kids came back again too, Omina (the sister of Amira the muslim I hung out with the week before) came back and talked with me. They all remembered me (of course, the only whitey) and were happy when I remembered them! It's the simple ways that I can make a difference...

May-Anne and I

I love this girl!
What a mess!

We started with the primary colors + black & white and then made our own colors
Cute little boy hanging out
The finished turtle

Notice the title of the book is IWU :) haha
Pas Stan putting on the finishing touches
A pencil in the door way
Robin showing off his hard work

He did the angel all himself!
May-Anne, Robin & I hanging out

While others worked ;) haha jk
The kids did this

Except the white hands are mine, haha ;)
Micah, Sister Rachel, Robin and I

Sister Rachel works at this Onesimo drop-in center
Classroom door to the outside

With a Bible verse
The finished chicken!

Painting at Onesimo

We've been painting at Onesimo for 3 days. The first day was a blast - I had an awesome time partnering with the youth and really accomplishing something. We were energetic and excited. Day 2 was not as much fun. We lost our energy and excitement and we were doing it just to do it. We still talked with one another but it wasn't what we wanted to be doing. We painted at the drop-in center... i thought we'd be at the house facility and that we'd still get to see and play with kids. There area few kids hanging at the drop in center, helping paint... but they're not interested in interacting with us no matter how hard we try. There are 4 or 5 boys, coming from the streets. The oldest boy is very aggressive to the youngest (JM) - he hits him and pushes him. JM takes it but you can tell it hurts him. It breaks my heart for both of them - both probably have very difficult backgrounds. One of the 10 year olds has a six pack - I mean this kid is built in a way that would make a college guy jealous. We talked about it and he's just a hard worker - does very physical labor to support himself. I think of 10 year old boys at home and what their childhood is like. It's drastically different here, esp in the poor areas. The third day (Friday) we started refreshed again. I was super tired but we were painting murals, which is more fun than touching up the seafoam-colored walls :/ Pastor Stan came to draw the murals and then we painted them in. It was fun to bring color and life to the room. The two paintings were of animals reading - its a classroom.

Pastor Stanley - our artist

Robin and I showing off

That's what you call team work!

While they were drawing the murals some girls came to the door to watch, saw me, and wanted to meet me. The whitey always stands out, haha. So, I went outside and spent probably 30-40 minutes talking with them. The oldest (11) was named Amira and she spoke very good English. She pointed to her covered head and said, "are you familiar with the muslim religion, with islam?" I said kinda and so we talked for a long time about our religions. She was very open and honest with me and was accepting of my sharing with her. We didn't talk about our holy books but we talked about customs and holidays. She comes to Onesimo for Christmas (today she came b/c they were giving free school uniforms) and loves it but her favorite muslim holiday is Ramadan. We talked about our families - she was very interested in mine. Her dad is a leader in their church - a 'father of our muslim people' she said. Then we started talking about her and school. She said she loves school but she gets picked on a lot - the kids make fun of her because she's just a poor muslim . The foreigners and Filipinos make fun of her and don't believe she's a scholar (78%+) because she's just a poor muslim. She said she tells them, "but I know English and you don't, so you're the stupid one!." I couldn't help but laugh...

I realized that Amira was the first muslim i've ever engaged in conversation with. I have been around them before but never on such a personal level. She got her cousins and little sister and introduced me to them all - one of her friends came by who's father just passed away the day before. We talked about that in a very solumn manner for awhile, I'm not sure how the religious differences realte to that issue.... Amira repeatedly told me how beautiful and nice i was. I would in turn say the same to her, she was an absolutely beautiful girl but wouldn't believe me. She would just respond and say "yes, all muslims are nice people..." I'm not sure why she thought she had to emphasize that to me so much... :/ If anything it made me feel optimistic that I could be a positive example of a "foreigner" to her. When we leave Onesimo to go to lunch we walk through a muslim neighborhood and market. Some of the people have said, "watch your stuff, there are a lot of muslims." Its just been hard to digest... especially because i experienced it from both sides of the fence today.

Onesimo

I am so excited. We finally got to go to Onesimo with Simon! When we picked him up to go we also picked up a family of 5 (a dad, his three sons, and their lola). They are from the squatter's village we visited earlier (Agham). Onesimo is a shelter for street kids - kids who come from abusive homes, are abandoned, neglected, orphans, children of addicts, or even addicts themselves. They provide shelter, clothes, food, tutoring, and the opportunity to have an actual childhood . There are 5 centers in Manila- for children and youth - with over 60 kids. We went to the children's center. Onesimo helps young people whose lives in the slums, or streets, are filled with hopelessness. Onesimo, they are introduced to a meaningful and restored life through Jesus Christ. Nonoy (14), had to work hard as a little boy, scavenging on the waste dump. His family broke up and he started sniffing glue. He says: "Here at Onesimo, I am experiencing a real family for the first time in my life."

The dad in the family we took is an alcoholic and cannot take care of his sons (4). The kids mom died of TB and their lola is getting too old to look after them the way they need to be cared for. So we took the family to Onesimo to see if the dad will let his sons (the 2 oldest) live there. The boys were so quiet, they reaked and looked malnourished, but they were adorable. The situation broke my heart - I'm nto sure if the boys knew what was happening or not. At one point Aiah (Joel's daughter, also came along) fell asleep on me and was snoring, the boys heard her and laughed. I wish I had the chance to bond with them... but it was such an awkward situation. They needed to spend their time together as a family. When we got there the family went to be interviewed. Onesimo is selective, so they interviewed the family to see if their situation is "desperate enough"... it sounds harsh but it really is best to do that. They want to make sure they're using their resources to provide for the neediest of kids. I'm not sure if the family was accepted (though I'm sure they were) or if the dad even agreed. I can't imagine making that decision - to give up your kids. I hope he agreed, what a true act of love - letting them go there to live because he knows that its really in their best interest, the way they can be loved, protected, provided for, and have hopes for a future.
Here is their website: http://www.onesimo.ch/en/startseite/

There are currently 12 or 14 kids staying there. It was a really nice facility. It is supported by "servants" (the same program Simon works with). Each kid is sponsored - around $20 a month. The kids can only stay there for 3 years and then Onesimo works to find another place for them, whether that's sending them back home (they also provide counseling and assistance for the families to make this possible) or another shelter/home. When the kids get there they don't have social skills or manners - they are independent and misbehaved. But in the short time i was there i could tell that this program has really changed their lives. The kids were so behaved. I was greeted with "good afternoon po." The kids came up and asked me to play with them. My heart melted in their big brown eyes. We played basketball; whenever i was standing still one 10 yr old boy just ran his fingers through my hair. I tried to give them all special attention but some just clung to me more than others.

The white guy is Daniel - the director of the center we went to.

Joel made connections with the director for me to do 1 week of my internship there. We will be painting part of the children's center, tutoring (teaching them to read and write) and helping in the street ministry to do "drop-in's". A "drop-in" is where Onesimo goes into a community and takes soap, bubbles, food, clothes, and games. They build relationships with the family and scope out kids who would benefit from staying at onesimus. This is exactly the type of program that I have dreamed of doing. I'm not sure what the opportunities are in the states because of the government regulations... but i know there are plenty of kids who would benefit. I don't want to be just involved in foster care/adoptions, or programs like the Boys & Girls club, YMCA, or After School Programs (that's an issue for another post). I am so torn and so broken over the degradation of our society. I ask God why I was blessed to be born into the life I live, why wasn't I born to a homeless family, a family in a squatter's village, a family where i'd be abused or neglected. I know He has a plan for me and I'm going to be as involved as possible to rid the WORLD of these social injustices.

I am so so so excited about going back - especially because there are only a dozen+ kids... I'll have quality bonding time with each of them!

Mindoro

Hey!
I just got back from Mindoro - a small island off of Luzon. Now i've been to 9 islands in the Philippines! 9 of 7,100 - haha, i still have a ways to go :) We worked with tribal kids at the Wesleyan Church there. I didn't get a count but i'd imagine there were between 30 & 50 kids. They were much more behaved than the kids in Manila - more like kids in Cebu. They climbed all over me and loved to have their pic taken (and of course wanted to see if afterwards!). I would've went through a whole memory card if they let me. The kids there are much darker there, almost black, their hair is lighter from sun exposure, but its like an afro (or birds nest as MJ said). They were also much shorter than other Filipinos - if you can imagine. Their tribe started with an M - maybe i'll remember later. It was just Joel, MJ, Joel Serna, and I. MJ and I led songs and games; Joel and MJ did one story each.

It was super hot there so we sent the kids home at noon for lunch and told them to come back at 4. I laid down on the bamboo benches with MJ while the boys went for lunch supplies. We both fell asleep. The breeze felt so good - i awake later to biting ants and fell asleep. Later i woke up again to the snoring Joels, haha. Lunch was sketchy and Joel didn't trust it for me (afraid of a revolution in my stomach, haha) so i gorged myself on PB&J after the family left. It started pouring down rain. We were fearful bc the roads were mud - but it let up 2 hours later. Joel & Joel played basketball in it like little kids - haha. They giggled and laughed - it was fun to watch.

We were going to stay there for 3 days but ended up leaving early. We were going to stay with families in their homes but Joel didn't like the sleeping conditions - he is very protective of me :) The food was also sketchy and our PB&J supply may not last. The water wasn't filtered either. We thought about going to a different location but the NPA (new people's army) was moving around so we decided it was best to just go. It was such a long trip there so it was hard to imagine leaving already... not to mention the fact that I loved the kids and wished i had more time with them. Their life was so simple; i felt very blessed. We left Manila at midnight the night before, got on a boat at 3, landed on the island at 6:30, and still had a 2 hr drive to the village. We had to do it all over again - we left there around 8 and got back to Manila at 3:30 this morning. I slept in the car and on the boat (while Joels snapping my pic, :( haha) but Joel still let me sleep till 10 this morning - isnt he the best, haha :)

These girls are so pretty!

This picture is typical of these boys. They were always off in their own world,

and never paid attention to anyone else!

This boy is Mark John Paul He got his puzzle put together way faster than anyone else His sister is blind and he was amazing with her

I loved loving on these kids!

Joel getting in on some puzzle action

Hanging out and having a great time

I'm the only whitey! :)

Coloring the pic of David & Goliath

That's all for now. Tomorrow we're hoping to get into Onesimus with Simon (with "servants" in the squatter's village). Its a shelter area for street kids - to provide some housing, food, baths, and some school prep/tutoring. We may take 2 kids there from the squatter's village who live in a bad situation - an alcoholic father. Then on Saturday i'm going with Aldean and his classmate Jarrett to other ministry opportunities. It should be great! Pray that both these opportunities work out and become amazing experiences!

The start of my internship

I started my internship activities and ministry Thursday afternoon. Joel and I left to go pick up a classmate of his who is currently studying social work. We went to the school they graduated to meet with a social work prof to get connections. We went to a squatter's village (Agham) - it was very desperate living conditions. There's a program called servants that helps with relief. The houses are small (about 15 sq foot) with 5-6 ppl living in them. There's no running water. The streets were packed with people and animals. Many streets (btw houses) were only about a foot and a half wide. Joel was nervous but did a very good job keeping me safe. Lots of people thought we were in a relationship - and he let them think that so they wouldn't approach me. It was a very humbling experience. The govt is doing some forced relocation and demolishing of homes.

Squatters move into an area illegally and build their homes. The govt doesn't do anything about it till they want the landback. Now they want it to build a mall - a mall. It is horrible. There are hundreds of people living there that have been there their whole life. A few days ago a fire was set on purpose to scare/intimidate the people - lots of people lost their homes.

This isn't the squatter's village we went to but this is what one looks like.

We met a man named Simon who works with "Servants" (see below). He is a white guy, about 30, from Switzerland. He left everything to minister to the people. He's been there 5 yrs and is fluent in tagalog - he's developed lots of relationships. We also met with a pastor there who moved his family into the area (they previously owned a home in a nicer area). Joel and I were speechless when we got back in the car. I can't imagine living there, much less moving there on purpose to minister. Did i say there's no running water or ventiliation? Many ppl sleep on the floors or multiple ppl in one small bed. Sanitation was horrible and drugs, gangs, and alcoholism were rampant.

Servants is an international network of Christian communitities living and working with in the slums of Asia and the West, participating with the poor to bring home and justice through Jesus Christ. Maybe i'll do a whole post on this program (and onesimo) later.
Here is their website: http://www.servantsasia.org/


Monday we are going back to do take them clothes we've collected. They already took a survey in the village to see who needs the close the most. It should be an interesting experience. All the conversations were strictly tagalog - I am really struggling with the language barrier (obviously). I know my experience would be better if i understood the language bc there's just not enough time for Joel to translate everything to me. It gets frustrating sometimes - but quite a few of my friends here are willing to work on their English, speak it around me more often, or at least translate every so often.

It has been a very good experience so far. I am safe, healthy, and well fed. I couldn't ask for more. I got to talk to mom on the phone a couple days ago and Jewel on facebook. Megan leaves tomorrow morning. Keep praying for me. I killed my first cockroach (which i realized fly) and so i'm getting braver with those.