Before my birthday I sat down and replayed life in my head. I thought about all the people, places, events (good and bad), and opportunities God has blessed me with. Those things have all played a part in shaping the woman I am today; I've learned so much and have been stretched. In reflecting on the past 22 years, I am amazed and truly in awe of God's hand in my life. I can look back and see how He has orchestrated things perfectly, in a way that I could never see at the time. He shut doors of opportunities, sometimes infuriating me, though now I can see why and how it really was for my good. I'm going to talk about one of those now. I'll do a more general birthday post later.
In March 2009 my great friend Mackenzie and I began to talk and dream about leading a World Impact missions team to Haiti. She'd been there multiple times and felt God calling her there. I was enthusiastic and passionate about missions, pretty much willing to go anywhere if even only once. I'd been to the neighboring country of the Dominican Republic a few years before and was excited about the prospect of ministering on the other side of the island. So, together Mackenzie and I interviewed with Steve Pettis, Jeff Miller, and Julia Hurlow. A week after the interview World Impact said we weren't allowed to go to Haiti due to risk management issues, but that we were accepted as team leaders and could pick another destination for approval. I was confused and frankly angry. The door was shut.
Mackenzie and I were shocked and upset. We had prayed intently and dreamt big. We didn't have peace about their decision but there wasn't anything we could do. Mackenzie still felt called to Haiti so she decided to go anyways without the umbrella of the school, but I still wanted to be a team leader. So, we started praying for each other and our new direction. The school said there was a need in Honduras, a country I've already been to. I quickly became interested in this new prospect - I was familiar with the language, comfortable with the culture, and excited about returning to a country I've already been to and work with missionaries I knew (something that was on my bucket list). A new door was opened.
Then I got in contact with the World Gospel Missions organization and they informed me that the missionaries I wanted to work with (Travis & Lori Hawk) were no longer serving on the field. If I still decided to go there (Escuela El Sembrador) I would be working with new missionaries. I was so disappointed. I already knew that I wouldn't know any of the new students and now I learned that I wouldn't know anyone. It would be a totally new experience. I felt like they might as well send me to the jungles of Africa (which would have been cool too!). Again, I didn't have peace about this. I was so frustrated. Another closed door.
So fast-forward a few months to May when I went on a World Impact team with Steve Pettis, the director of World Impact, as team leader. We decided that after the trip we would get together and talk about another new destination for me to lead a team the following summer (this summer). My team went to the Philippines and worked with Jun Rafael and Joel Pascua - two amazing men of God. We did VBS's on various islands and I fell in love with the people and the culture. The team was the first team that Joel hosted and he didn't want it to be the last. He talked with Pettis about another team returning next summer, but Pettis said he couldn't promise anything. I overheard this conversation and my heart leaped, like I had a call that I should be the one to bring a team back. I pulled Pettis aside later and we talked about this. He was very supportive and suggested I talk with Joel about it. So, I did and Joel was so enthusiastic about it - we made plans for my return with a team. The door of opportunity opened!
So now as I think about that - the swell of emotions I experienced, especially the pain and frustration - I realize that it was for my good even though I didn't see it at the time. God's plan wasn't for me to go to Haiti or return to Honduras - His plan was for me to return to the Philippines! What if I would have gone to one of those places instead of the Philippines? I may not have had the team that I took this year, which means those relationships wouldn't exist. I would not have developed the deep friendship with Jun and Joel. I would not have gotten to see all those people again - the pastors and the kids. I would not have met MJ or May-Anne, Robin or Marc, Dennis or Grace, Francis or Leah, Michael or Joshua, Ronald or Romhar, Reyn or Elymar, or Mark and Daislyn. My only tour-guide would have been Algen (yikes), no Jerome. I wouldn't have eaten ice-cream with Richard again, I wouldn't get to play with Jed and Aiah. I wouldn't have visited all those new places. I wouldn't have ministered in Mindoro or at Onesimo. I wouldn't have killed any ipis (though I wouldn't consider that a regret). I wouldn't know the pleasure of jackfruit. I couldn't say I actually tried balut or dinuguan or bagoong. And, I wouldn't have met my Aldean Wayne! BUT God worked out His plans and I did all those things! He sent me 8,400 miles away to figure all this out - to find life and love and passion. I am so so so glad :)
This was not just an open door of opportunity, it was an open door to a new chapter of my life. I must remind myself of this lesson the next time He shuts a door in life. He knows what needs to happen to have a happy ending. He always does what is best for me. I hope He does whatever it takes, even when I'm obstinate and stubborn, or yell at Him for messing up my plans. I must remember that He wrote my life story.
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