Don't get discouraged by this blog, keep reading, I promise it gets better. But know this, this blog is as much for my own benefit as it is my readers' benefit.
Sadly enough, grad school is all it's cracked up to be. I've got some rough days ahead of me. My current stress level is... off the charts. I can't go to sleep because my mind will not shut down. I've organized my brains out trying to stay on top of assignments, papers, and exams. There's so much to do that seeing it all outlined on one excel spread sheet only makes me feel stressed, anxious, overwhelmed, and unprepared. To top it all off, I don't even start my full-time internship till next week. That will be 17 hours of class and 21 hours of internship. If I go by the old adage "3 hours of work for every 1 hour in class", that will add up to 51 hours of homework a week. (If I exaggerate this situation to the full extent... 51 hours of homework + 17 hours of class + 21 hours of internship = 89 hours. That means 6 hours of sleep each night and a very limited social life.) What's the possibility for all the necessary "self-care" they emphasized in undergrad?
So, for the sake of making this blog meaningful (though while you may view this as complaining, I see this as a valuable venting opportunity... if you disagree, don't tell me) I'll tell you what I'm going to do about this little conundrum (intricate and difficult problem) I find myself in.
First of all, my God is bigger than Grad school :) He is providing so many more teaching opportunities than "just" Social Work Practice with Families and Children. So here's the latest one that he has been repeatedly revealing to me.... so it must be a big deal!
I've been reading through the Bible in a year and I just finished the Old Testament (yay!). Lately, in the 'prophetic' books, God keeps telling His people that He won't accept their sacrifices as they are. Whether they were lame animals, animals with blemishes, not "the best of the best", broken sacrificial rules, or with impure motives. He wants their offerings & sacrifices from a pure heart. He wants the best they can give - the best of the best.
Read Amos 5: 21-23, Malachi 1: 6-14.
So how do I apply that to my own life? What I am facing and where I am now. The biggest offering I have right now is my commitment to grad school. I committed this commitment to Christ as my offering to Him, which should completely change my outlook on grad school. My approach to grad school should be as a learning opportunity - the best it can be. I don't want to do just enough to get by. And I don't want to focus on only getting A's (good grades). I want to get knowledge, skills, and experience. It is a time to learn. I want to FULLY commit myself to it and do the best I can FOR HIM. I want to be a steward to my education. I want to use this as an opportunity to HONOR and GLORIFY Him. To find my calling and niche - and through social work avenues to spread His joy, glory, and love to the whole world. I can't be consumed with a need for perfection (a useless way to spend my efforts). I want my focus on perfection to be perfection for Him. So if that means a B honors Him, then that should be good enough for me.
I don't want to put an academic offering of distraction, ill-preparedness, stress, or low-quality work on His throne. Besides a diploma on graduation day ;) - I want my reward to be better preparedness to serve Him - an eternal reward. The best thing is, I know this will result in multiple more life lessons - lessons about myself, relationships, cooperation, time-management, humility, maturity, patience, love, service, and God.
I can't imagine that I will be able to meet all of my family and friend's communication & relationship expectations... please don't be disappointed. If you see that I'm stressed, just love me and pray for me :)
