Still Learning Lessons at Home

Well, it's official, i've been home a week now. It feels like it has been forever. I miss being there - all of the experiences & opportunities I had and especially fellowshipping with my friends! I am happy to be home though, it is a good opportunity for me to reflect on what I've learned and live it out. If i don't find ways to apply what I realized and learned... then in the end I'd waste those opportunities. For me, my trip was not about short-term pleasure, it's about long-term gain for the Kingdom, for myself and those I interacted with. As I've gotten older I realize that because we were put on this earth to worship, praise and glorify Him, then anyday that I don't do that... that I don't get closer to Him... is a waste of a day and the opportunities He's given. There are opportunities everywhere!

Now my biggest struggle is finding ways to maintain my fervor and excitement. It is so easy for me to become complacent and apathetic at home. Life is here so different, the relational culture here is almost opposite. I feel close to people yet far away at the same time. I'm trying to work-through experiences that no one else here understands... I need help & support yet feel like I have to do it on my own. So, I'm taking today for myself to reflect... to escape from the distractions. My devotional time has been great lately and I started a new book that is so inspiring and helpful. My goal is to read 1 book per week so I can keep learning & pushing myself. I still haven't gotten into a regular routine yet - which I recognize needs to happen.

One of the most exciting things that has happened since I've been home is going out to eat & for coffee with Amber, who also just got back from doing her internship in Argentina. So, we spent 3-4 hours just talking about our experiences, what we've learned, and how we're struggling now. It was such a refreshing and encouraging time. She is really the first person that I've got to show all my pictures & tell lots of stories too, which is so much fun to do! I really feel blessed to have that opportunity, it was something that I emotionally needed! God just provides the best opportunities at perfect timing. I'm so glad that He loves me!

As a reminder to myself, I need to continue to process what I've learned. The biggest lessons for me were
simplicity & being content
(I'm so blessed!),
importance of relationships as a form of ministry,
taking advantage of every opportunity to pour myself into others
(and let them do the same to me!),
to not let the little things bother me
(keep my attitude in check),
to strengthen my faith &
fully rely on Him for everything (especially emotions),
to read the Word more consistently (in a year) &
memorize more of it, to seek His will for my life
(He has awesome plans for me),
and to always be willing to learn. .
It's not that I've never learned these lessons before, well some of them I haven't, but for others this trip just served as a really good reminder. Like I was hit in the face with conviction of my inadequacy and ungrateful attitude. I'm committed to living out these lessons and making some huge life changes... I just hope that others notice :)

Home

I'm home!!!

My return was filled with mixed emotions... I was very sad to leave the Philippines. I cried; I've never done that before leaving anywhere, not even home. I developed such a bond and relationship with the people. I have great friends there that I will miss very much, but I am thankful for skype and facebook! God blessed me so much with friendships. They were a great source of encouragement, they taught me a lot (about the culture, about myself, about God and serving Him, and using relationships for ministry). I'll talk more about these specific lessons and people later :)

I felt comfortable there, still stretched, but I felt at home. I knew I was loved, appreciated, and cared for. We all spent lots of quality time together, which is the best! Some people have asked me about my favorite part of the trip... I'd have to say it was developing relationships, not an actual "event." Sure, I had lots of amazing experiences and opportunities, but its the people that really made those events memorable. Some people collect "things" or possessions, but I collect people. I'll share my "collection" with you in my next post... but my comp crashed after I got all my pics uploaded (haha) so until its up and running again my blogs will be just words and no exciting pics.

An update about home...

I stayed up all night my last night in the Philippines and had an amazing time, but the result was exhaustion. My flights felt like they went super fast, I slept seriously the whole time, which was a major blessing. Mom, Dad, Jewel, Jeff, Joni, Leah & Mallory greeted me at the airport. Joni made me tasty cookies. Leah and Mallory grew tons - it was only my second time to see my youngest niece Mallory! :) She is stinking adorable, never cried for Aunt Jessie. Leah reached out for me right away, i'm her absolute favorite :) She got out of her stroller and watched for my luggage with me, each time a suitcase came down the ramp onto the belt she'd laugh, it was hilariously adorable. Then she pulled my luggage around with gramps while I cuddled Mallory. Then we went to Jeff & Joni's and I had them try the tamarinds I snuck home in my luggage. They were initially grossed out by the looks but everyone enjoyed them but Jewel... who barely even took a bite big enough to taste it.

I'm not struggling getting adjusted to the time change... yet... i don't think. I'm staying up super late, which is normal for me. I slept in Saturday but got up early for church this morning. I haven't taken any naps - I guess we'll see how tomorrow goes :)

It was so great being at my home church today. Sunday school, worship, and the preaching satisfied my soul perfectly. It was encouraging and convicting at the same time. I felt God's presence alive and real, I'm so blessed. I know I don't always have to feel it, but it sure is nice when I have that assurance. I also got like a million hugs and "welcome home, we were praying for you!" greetings. I have so many faithful prayer supporters! Then tonight after the service I went out to eat with David & Michele - ahh, i love them, they are like my family :) It was great to reunite and share my experiences before they head to Puerto Rico with Jewel. They were so excited and wanted to hear everything, yay! because I love talking about it all!!! This afternoon my mom came to my room and we talked on my bed for over an hour, which was great too... we needed that time together. She's so supportive of me and my endeavors. Family is super important to me!

Anyways, that's all for now :)

"Be joyful always.
Pray continually.
Give thanks in all circumstances,
for this is God's will
for you in Christ Jesus."
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Something is missing...

Well, I've only got one more morning here. Today breakfast was relaxed, the usual - pancakes, steamed fish, rice, and Joel surprised me with omelets. I slept well last night. Yesterday was a great day and I went to bed with a happy heart. My departure will definitely be bittersweet - I am not looking forward to leaving at all. I'm so sad thinking about it, I am going to miss these people so much, and the culture and atmosphere. I'll be missing you... I'm going to miss the flexibility here, the laid back atmosphere, how we can laugh at anything or anyone. I'm going to miss the good food - especially adobo, lumpias, pancit canton, lumpias, sugar bananas, carbonara, and perfectly ripe fruit, maybe even kare-kare, sinagang, and rice cakes. I'm going to miss the random outings to go to the mall or a touristy spot. I'm going to miss living with kids (Jed & Aiah) and the kids from VBSs. I'm going to miss the simplicity of my living conditions. I'm going to miss hanging with the youth, oh my, really going to miss that. I'm going to miss seeing new things and meeting new people everyday. I'm going to miss being challenged - physically, spiritually, and mentally. I'm going to miss my heart-to-heart conversations with the pastors here, Joel & MJ are always available when I need them. I'm going to miss crazy jeepney (especially Alex Bing, haha) and tricycle rides. I'm not going to miss ipis - the kill count is 12 - and I'm not going to miss mosquitoes.

I have made some amazing friends here and know I'll be leaving part of myself here when I leave. I have gotten so attached here, way more than I expected to. But, I am so thankful for facebook and skype - knowing that we can keep in touch. I already have plans to come back next year... thousands of reasons of course... and I know i'll learn a lot in the waiting time before my plane lands here again. I've had so many great opportunities and experiences, and while I know that I will never forget them.. its also just not the same at home.

While people at home may sit and listen to my stories, most won't truly understand, and how could they? When I get home I'm not sure what I'll need more - personal quiet time to unload and debrief myself, or lots of people and social interaction to help distract me. Returning home will be emotionally and physically difficult, but hopefully I stay strong enough to not let that wear me down spiritually. I am so focused right now and know that I can do this with God's strength. It is an awesome feeling - full of peace, strength, joy, and assurance. My devotional time is going great - I have lots of free time, haha :) - and I'm learning a bunch. I just need good accountability to keep me focused and on-track. I know the devil is going to fight hard! But, guess what - he won't win! Last year when I returned from the Philippines I felt so spiritually strong as well, then I was a counselor at the youth and kids camps, and continued to grow. Then around July/August I hit a dry spot that lasted way too long. My free time this summer could either be a really great thing or a bad thing... My goal is to read at least one book per week!

So that's part of the reason I'm not looking forward to being home... But what am I looking forward to about being home?..

Its not the physical comforts of home I miss the most... but I am looking forward to my own bed and shower. I miss certain foods - cold milk and Frosted Flakes or Honey Nut Cheerios, cookies, and popsicles. I miss the people the most - my family and friends. I want to cuddle and tickle my niece Leah; and hold, rock and feed Mallory. I miss sitting down and just chatting, having deep conversations, and laughing b/c i actually got the joke (haha). I want to be with my family and tell them my stories, and to know what has happened in their lives while i've been away. I miss my church family tons - I want to hear Pastor Bob preach, worship in Horizon , hear Ruth Landis play the piano, and Andrea/Michele/Suzanne do special music. I want to walk around and give hugs to all my prayer & financial supporters at church; I want to share with them all the blessings & lessons i've received on this trip. I want to stay up late drinking starbucks and scrapbook with the ladies. I want to play games - Carcassone or Settlers of Catan (not Uno, haha). I wanna go out with Jade and talk about baby Samuel. I'm ready for camping season - the revival speakers and working with the cute kids. Staying up super late and causing mischief. I'm ready to sleep the day away and not worry about a schedule. I'm ready to wake up and just relax, to read a good book, to sit in the sun by the pool, and to be in the pool. I'm excited to go on long walks or bike rides, and to go back to the gym. I'm ready to be in the driver's seat again... i'm a restless car passenger I think (need control? haha). I'm ready to wear something other than basketball shorts, t-shits, and flip-flops. I want to straighten my hair and condition it multiple times, haha. I'm ready for English all the time, that's been emotionally draining sometimes... I think (hope) i've been patient with it though. I'm excited to keep learning Tagalog too!

Anyways, maybe this will be my last post before arrival in the States... maybe not. I think I have a full schedule ahead. Lots of people to wish me farewell and send me on my way. I just wonder if there will be more people taking me to the airport or picking me up from the airport, haha.

Finished Product!

Last Monday we finished painting the murals at Onesimo. I didn't get a picture of the very last one we did - it was a bug and it was saying "Come, Let's Study!". Anyways, it was lots of fun. I loved hanging out with Pastor Stan and the youth. We had a great time bonding and talking and getting to know each other. These are the moments i really cherish - I've developed some great relationships with some great people. I'm going to miss them so much but i'm thankful for Facebook and the opportunity to look forward to another return next year :)

More of the same kids came back to help paint, but they painted walls in other rooms, they didn't help with the murals. A few of the same street kids came back again too, Omina (the sister of Amira the muslim I hung out with the week before) came back and talked with me. They all remembered me (of course, the only whitey) and were happy when I remembered them! It's the simple ways that I can make a difference...

May-Anne and I

I love this girl!
What a mess!

We started with the primary colors + black & white and then made our own colors
Cute little boy hanging out
The finished turtle

Notice the title of the book is IWU :) haha
Pas Stan putting on the finishing touches
A pencil in the door way
Robin showing off his hard work

He did the angel all himself!
May-Anne, Robin & I hanging out

While others worked ;) haha jk
The kids did this

Except the white hands are mine, haha ;)
Micah, Sister Rachel, Robin and I

Sister Rachel works at this Onesimo drop-in center
Classroom door to the outside

With a Bible verse
The finished chicken!

Perfect Timing

Yesterday morning I went with MJ, Joel and his family to a pastors convention. I got to see lots of friends, which was nice. There were 3 seminars and we stayed for the first 2. The first was on "bringing order to the church". Most of it was in Tagalog but thankfully the power-point was English, so I could still learn some :) Afterwards we broke up into groups and I went with the young pastoras and we talked about what we learned. The biggest points were on partnering in team work, continuous learning, having accountability, practicing the sabbath, being bold & vocal, be relational - build friendships, and being open with the senior pastor. In the past couple of years my pull towards ministry has grown, which is why I added a focus on urban ministries with social work. Anyways, it was just a really good time of fellowship with other ladies who are facing the same kind of things as me, except they're already in the field i'm just preparing for. I struggle a lot with the language barrier, it gets lonely sometimes, and its hard to talk things through with people.

Then this morning I woke up feeling rather empty, which is ironic since Saturday was such a refreshing day. For whatever reason the devil just attacked my spirit hard and I felt inadequate and dry. I've been spending so much time in the Word, prayer, and devotions but my time Saturday was cut short. I prayed then read for awhile and still felt so distant, I couldn't get focused. I grabbed some breakfast and came back to my bed - still crying out for God. I had 1.5 hours before Sunday school - i was not going to give up! I got a really encouraging text from Joel and one from Andrea at home. I prayed again and played some worship music. During "Desert Song" I broke with tears. God reminded me of the promises I needed to hear. Then "Desire" by Phil Wickham. Those 2 songs refreshed my spirit enough to give me focus. I sat in silence (the Lord even quieted the dog - hallelujah!) and solitude for 45 minutes. I felt absolutely amazing afterwards. I learned that sometimes I just need to slow down. I can't ever do anything to be adequate, though I want much more than adequacy. Reading the Bible isn't always an "automatic fix" either (though it can provide the perfect answers. For me, silence & solitude forces me to rely on His strength instead of my own (because in my own strength I get way too bored!). It was the quality time I needed with my King. I went into the worship service ready to sing my heart out and again the Lord met me.

GREATER IS HE WHO IS IN ME,

THAN HE WHO IS IN THE WORLD

Pascua Pamilya

The Pascua pamilya holds a very special place in my heart. They've opened their home and lives to me this year, that is something I could never thank them for enough. They've introduced me to some of my favorite parts of Filipino culture, and some of my not so favorites ... like bagoong. I've known them only one year but I'll never forget them. They are family to me now! Joel is like an older brother to me. He approaches me with advice and encouragement - he guides me in ministry and in life. We've had so many priceless moments together - memories full of laughter, love, and vulnerability. We've had so many indepth conversations - heart to heart talks - about life, love, and spirituality. He encourages me and convicts me. In our time together he has taught me so much, especially the importance of loving others... developing relationships is part of ministry! I don't have younger siblings, but his kids are that to me. When i'm having a rough day they lighten the mood, bringing lots of laughter. We have many inside jokes. I love spending time with them. I didn't cry when i left last year... or when my team left this year... but when I'm at the airport on June 25 I know i'll shed a tear, or two, or many.

I love you guys! Thank you for accepting me and loving me! I can't wait for more happy memories in the next week and even for the years to come!

Joel is always involved in ministry with us He loves the kids and the kids love him

With Joel and Richard at Baker's Hill in Palawan

They are the best kuyas!

Joel knows what i love - watermelon!

And treats me very well!

The family on our last night together last year

The kids got so big in one year!

Joel and I at the airport last year Happy because we knew I would be returning!

Jed and Aiah hanging out in my room!

With Joel & Richard for Megan's despedida

At De Villa Eschuvera

They find the best places! ~ We ate under the waterfall
Jeepney ride with Jed and Aiah :) They practically sat on top of me the whole time... But i loved it!!!
On our last night together last year Being ridiculous in restaurants... as normal ;)
Making faces at Holy Cow.There's never a dull moment when us 3 are together! We did this lots last year too!

Joel and his lovely half, Lenny

They celebrated their 13th wedding anniversary June 6

Joel being himself! Crazy and sweaty!
Joel & Richard make a cute pair
Sleeping silently (for once!)

Check out that earring!

Getting lunch for island hopping
Sistah!

Happy Birthday Aldean

Thursday, June 10

Waiting for him to get home...

Still waiting...

The gang

Basket with balutI was not the least bit interested in eating that again

The boys with his nephew

Robin serenading us while we wait

His momma making the meal

We hid in his room and "surprised" the birthday boy by throwing corn starch on him.

Pastor Aldean turned 25 on Thursday. The youth got together to help him celebrate. We finished painting and went to his house to wait for him to get home from class. He suspected us so he took his time. That's okay; while we waited I spent quality time with his dad. We talked theology, some of which was way over my head, but I enjoyed it still. He also told me stories about Aldean. Aldean finally got home and came down to his room - we threw corn starch on him and I videotaped it. He knew we were there but his reaction was still funny. Then we all hung out for a few hours and ate some food. I tried kare-kare for the first time and it was pretty good (except for the bagoong - definitely left that off!) I love these people, we had so much fun. The night was full of laughter - the best way to celebrate.