Here in New York they celebrate "spring break" in February. Odd, but still very enjoyable.
I went HOME to INDIANA :) I braved the train again, but this time Margie gave me company! We left Friday night and got home Saturday morning (takes about 9 hours and 15 minutes but is way cheaper than flying). Whenever I hear the train going through time here I always get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, yuck. Margie took the train one stop past me to go home to Michigan. I went home with plans to be productive and accomplish a lot of homework and wedding planning. I didn't check much off my to-do list, but I don't really regret anything.
I had lots of quality time with family and friends. I got to go to my church on Sunday morning and Sunday night. It was sooo good to see everyone! I went to Indy to hang with my favorite oldest sister and her baby girls for awhile before going WEDDING DRESS SHOPPING. I said YES to the most beautiful dress ever - Sorry Wayne, you can't see it yet ;) Three of my six bridesmaids were there and tried on many many bridesmaids dresses, but a decision still hasn't been made about that yet... *sigh*. I had a couple lunch dates with some dear lady friends. I realized Baldwin (IWU cafeteria) tastes much better now that I don't get tired of it e.v.e.r.y.d.a.y. I chatted with a friend at McConn (IWU coffee shop) and hung around there for awhile doing homework, and got a free coffee - yay! I went to youth group and got to share a little testimony about missions (because my Church celebrates February as Missions Month). I also had a great chat with the youth pastor (who will be doing marriage counseling and then officiate Aldean and my wedding). Jewel, Titus and I went to Kokomo to go to two Asian markets which were both closed, lame. At least we had fun at the mall! My family also played tons and tons and tons of games. In case you don't already know this, we are big gamers - card games, board games, whatever, just not videogames! (Titus, Joni, and dad also love Game Show Network on TV, ugggh!!).
In other big news, I had a job interview that went really really well. Hopefully I'll hear word soon and then update all you loyal blog-readers :)
GRADUATION is May 5th, 2012. Yes, 2012. I will OFFICIALLY be DONE in like 10 weeks. Eek, I'm so excited. But, I'm gonna need to take a ride on the motivation bus to get movin' on all this work that has to be done between now-and-then. Yikes! Until then, my blog posts probably won't be super regular (it's not like they are all that regular anyways, haha). Anyways. I should probably get off and pretend like I'm going to go to bed.
Much love <3
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Saturday, January 28, 2012
A Week From Hell
So, basically this week has been that - a week from hell. Nothing has gone right. Not much has been enjoyable. There have been many disappointments and setbacks, frustrations, and failures. WAY more lows than highs. Family life isn't so great right now. The weather is crap. My internship this week was bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. Some of the kids I work with lives really suck, and there's absolutely nothing they can do about it. I've realized how evil people can be. I've realized how dark souls can be are without Christ. Definitely a challenge to see the positives, though I'm forcing myself to think ahrd and find them.
I've also realized I'm terrible at taking care of myself. The whole hot topic social work words of "self care" have been the lowest priority on my list. I have not been able to process my terrible week, I just vent, which either makes me more mad or turns people of. I'm emotional, short on sleep, eating terribly, physically weak, spiritually exhausted, and loosing sight of my vision. I hurt someone very very very dear to me, and I'm scared of the consequences. *I do not want to lose you. I cannot lose you!*
One of the assignments for my "Integration of Christian Theology and Social Work" class is to read through a spiritual disciplines handbook and practice a different discipline each week. This week's theme is "Open Self To God" and one of the categories in it is Rest. Like whoa I need that. The challenge is to discipline myself by taking opportunities to Rest my Body and opportunities to Rest my Soul. The author said "we're human beings not human doings", which was like a 2x4 slap in my face. Maybe once I learn how to just be I'll be a more enjoyable person (enjoying life and opening up to let other's enjoy me). Eek, this is going to be a hard hard hard lesson to learn.
I've also realized I'm terrible at taking care of myself. The whole hot topic social work words of "self care" have been the lowest priority on my list. I have not been able to process my terrible week, I just vent, which either makes me more mad or turns people of. I'm emotional, short on sleep, eating terribly, physically weak, spiritually exhausted, and loosing sight of my vision. I hurt someone very very very dear to me, and I'm scared of the consequences. *I do not want to lose you. I cannot lose you!*
One of the assignments for my "Integration of Christian Theology and Social Work" class is to read through a spiritual disciplines handbook and practice a different discipline each week. This week's theme is "Open Self To God" and one of the categories in it is Rest. Like whoa I need that. The challenge is to discipline myself by taking opportunities to Rest my Body and opportunities to Rest my Soul. The author said "we're human beings not human doings", which was like a 2x4 slap in my face. Maybe once I learn how to just be I'll be a more enjoyable person (enjoying life and opening up to let other's enjoy me). Eek, this is going to be a hard hard hard lesson to learn.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Saturday, January 14, 2012
"This is my fiance"
December 26, 2011 was a wonderful, life-changing, forever memorable day =D A great great great day. In fact, one of the best days of my life! That day Aldean Wayne Arciaga Pablo asked me to marry him! I absolutely said yes. So, I am the soon-to-be Mrs. Aldean Wayne Pablo. Ahh I love it! After that day, Aldean began introducing me to his friends as "this is my fiance". That new phrase became one of my favorite things to hear :) When he was in a funny mood (which is almost always), he would sometimes introduce me as his ex-girlfriend. When he got odd looks he would say "she's my fiance so she's no longer my girlfriend" and I would just giggle.
So, for all who are interested, here's the story <3
Wayne woke me up at 6:30am before breakfast to music outside my window. (I love it when he came to my room to wake me up!) Actually I woke up a few seconds before he came in, but was confused by the music. Two of his friends were playing romantic music outside my window - a classical guitar and a violin. They played one of "our" songs - La Via En Rose by Louis Armstrong. The funny thing is I joked and told them "tawad" which is what you say to Christmas carolers to go away. Haha, I only said it loud enough for Wayne to hear :)
After lunch we went to Luneta Park (zero kilometer). It's a historical park and a common dating place. I knew something was up because he was pretty tense. The funny thing is that he got pulled over (which happened the last time we went to that part of town) for something he didn't really do, and the traffic enforcer was a jerk :/ Which made Aldean more tense so then we got lost, haha. We took one lap around the park and then relaxed at the flag pole for a minute before the Magsaysay choir came up to us one-by-one. (Aldean's brother works at Magsaysay and Aldean' has worked with the choir through leadership camps and devotions for four years. We both attended their leadership camp last June. This is also the same choir wherein a taught a few members things about the US before they came and toured here last summer). There were probably 10-12 members and they sang around 10-12 songs. It was a lot of fun and a joy to see them (so talented) again. They sang some romantic songs (You by the Carpenters), some classic love songs, and some funny songs (Mahal Kita Kasi by Nicole Hyala) in both English and Filipino.
Then we went to dinner at a really romantic restaurant - Vieuz Chalet, a swiss restaurant. We had pasta and pizza and a delicious lemon-grass tea. The view was beautiful, the table was candle-lit, and the server was really hospitable. I just loved the quality time sitting with my boy and soaking up the special moment.
After dinner we went to our favorite dating place - Cloud 9! It's a restaurant and resort at the top of the city. At night the view is gorgeous because you can look down the mountain and see the city lights as far as you can see. We sat on the viewing deck of the resort for over and hour and just talked. Then Aldean had the band from the restaurant come sing to us, which was serenade #3 :) It was funny because they weren't technically allowed to come to where we were, but they did anyways. They were out of breath from carrying their big instruments up the hill to us, but after taking a couple minutes to catch their breath they sang two more wonderful love songs to us. I loved it. It was romantic and its our place.
I was getting tired so it was time to leave. Aldean had other plans, but changed them to accommodate me, aww how sweet ;) On the way to his brother's (where we were spending the night) we came to one of the trees with my favorite Christmas lights. (They are white & blue LED lights in the shape of ice-cycles, and the lights fall down like it's dripping). He pulled over and suggested we go under the tree. So, we parked and walked around it once then he told me I had one more present to open. I said "what" (fully knowing by then what it was), and he pulled out the box and said "Will you marry me?". I was speechless at first, so he said "does that mean yes?". I said "Yes! Of course! Absolutely!" The ring was gorgeous, everything was perfect. I could not have even dreamed he would come up with a plan that was so special! He made makes me the happiest girl in the world! My smile was so big, and still is as I write this blog post :D
A week later we had our engagement pictures taken by a dear friend and fellow district pastor - Stanley Rabago. First we went to Paco Park. Then, we went to MOA (Mall of Asia), which was one of the places where 'it all started' as a group date.
So, for all who are interested, here's the story <3
Wayne woke me up at 6:30am before breakfast to music outside my window. (I love it when he came to my room to wake me up!) Actually I woke up a few seconds before he came in, but was confused by the music. Two of his friends were playing romantic music outside my window - a classical guitar and a violin. They played one of "our" songs - La Via En Rose by Louis Armstrong. The funny thing is I joked and told them "tawad" which is what you say to Christmas carolers to go away. Haha, I only said it loud enough for Wayne to hear :)
After lunch we went to Luneta Park (zero kilometer). It's a historical park and a common dating place. I knew something was up because he was pretty tense. The funny thing is that he got pulled over (which happened the last time we went to that part of town) for something he didn't really do, and the traffic enforcer was a jerk :/ Which made Aldean more tense so then we got lost, haha. We took one lap around the park and then relaxed at the flag pole for a minute before the Magsaysay choir came up to us one-by-one. (Aldean's brother works at Magsaysay and Aldean' has worked with the choir through leadership camps and devotions for four years. We both attended their leadership camp last June. This is also the same choir wherein a taught a few members things about the US before they came and toured here last summer). There were probably 10-12 members and they sang around 10-12 songs. It was a lot of fun and a joy to see them (so talented) again. They sang some romantic songs (You by the Carpenters), some classic love songs, and some funny songs (Mahal Kita Kasi by Nicole Hyala) in both English and Filipino.
Then we went to dinner at a really romantic restaurant - Vieuz Chalet, a swiss restaurant. We had pasta and pizza and a delicious lemon-grass tea. The view was beautiful, the table was candle-lit, and the server was really hospitable. I just loved the quality time sitting with my boy and soaking up the special moment.
After dinner we went to our favorite dating place - Cloud 9! It's a restaurant and resort at the top of the city. At night the view is gorgeous because you can look down the mountain and see the city lights as far as you can see. We sat on the viewing deck of the resort for over and hour and just talked. Then Aldean had the band from the restaurant come sing to us, which was serenade #3 :) It was funny because they weren't technically allowed to come to where we were, but they did anyways. They were out of breath from carrying their big instruments up the hill to us, but after taking a couple minutes to catch their breath they sang two more wonderful love songs to us. I loved it. It was romantic and its our place.
Update on Life
Wow, so much has happened since my last post!
I have one semester of grad school behind me and only one more to go! I finished last semester with awesome grades, if I do say so myself ;) and an overall GPA of 3.92. For those who don't remember/ didn't know, I'm going to Roberts Wesleyan College in Rochester, New York for my Masters of Social Work with a Child & Family concentration. I'm only taking five classes this semester (instead of six last semester). So, that's 14 credit hours and a 19 hour/week (unpaid) internship. I'm interning at an elementary school 3 days/week. My caseload is heavy but the staff is supportive. Everything is hectic, but I'm really enjoying it and learning so much!
I went to the Philippines for Christmas, which deserves its own blog post (hopefully coming soon!). I spent 20 days with my sweet fiance Aldean Wayne and his family. Surprise, we were engaged on December 26! It was a wonderful day full of memories. Though the 20 days were short, my heart was warm and I left full of joy. It was just what I needed to 'finish strong' and be patient in looking forward to my future with Wayne. However, I already miss him terribly! Time to begin the visa process. Hopefully Jewel & Titus (my sister and her husband) can help with the process, since they just finished it themselves before getting married in October :)
I was able to spend a few days with my family in Indiana over break (before and after the Philippines). I missed them so much. We played lots of card games, board games, and Dominos. If you like funny board games and you've never heard of Quelf you are missing out. Hilarious game. I think everyone in my family took a dashing run to the bathroom at least once so we didn't pee of pants of hysteria. It's great, haha :) My nieces are growing more and more adorable. I miss them already, but I bought my train ticket to go home for winter break, which is in the middle of February... 5 weeks away (we don't have spring break, lame).
I didn't make New Year's "resolutions" per se, but my goals for 2012 are to:
Graduate with my Masters
Get Married
Grow more Mature in Christ
Because posts are always more fun with pictures:
How to pray for me:
* Pray that I can be a LIGHT FOR CHRIST at my internship, where the kids stories, situations, and struggles break my heart. The teachers also need loving.
* Pray for DISCIPLINE in my studies and that I would continue to LEARN and soak everything up
* Pray for WISDOM, GUIDANCE & PATIENCE for Wayne and I as we put our future in God's hands
* Pray for my FAMILY... my dad needs work and Jesus
I have one semester of grad school behind me and only one more to go! I finished last semester with awesome grades, if I do say so myself ;) and an overall GPA of 3.92. For those who don't remember/ didn't know, I'm going to Roberts Wesleyan College in Rochester, New York for my Masters of Social Work with a Child & Family concentration. I'm only taking five classes this semester (instead of six last semester). So, that's 14 credit hours and a 19 hour/week (unpaid) internship. I'm interning at an elementary school 3 days/week. My caseload is heavy but the staff is supportive. Everything is hectic, but I'm really enjoying it and learning so much!
I went to the Philippines for Christmas, which deserves its own blog post (hopefully coming soon!). I spent 20 days with my sweet fiance Aldean Wayne and his family. Surprise, we were engaged on December 26! It was a wonderful day full of memories. Though the 20 days were short, my heart was warm and I left full of joy. It was just what I needed to 'finish strong' and be patient in looking forward to my future with Wayne. However, I already miss him terribly! Time to begin the visa process. Hopefully Jewel & Titus (my sister and her husband) can help with the process, since they just finished it themselves before getting married in October :)
I was able to spend a few days with my family in Indiana over break (before and after the Philippines). I missed them so much. We played lots of card games, board games, and Dominos. If you like funny board games and you've never heard of Quelf you are missing out. Hilarious game. I think everyone in my family took a dashing run to the bathroom at least once so we didn't pee of pants of hysteria. It's great, haha :) My nieces are growing more and more adorable. I miss them already, but I bought my train ticket to go home for winter break, which is in the middle of February... 5 weeks away (we don't have spring break, lame).
I didn't make New Year's "resolutions" per se, but my goals for 2012 are to:
Graduate with my Masters
Get Married
Grow more Mature in Christ
Because posts are always more fun with pictures:
Titus with Mallory (20 months) at Christmas in Indiana
Christmas Eve with my Pablo family <3
Merry Christmas! (Christmas eve)
Merry Christmas! Christmas morning at church
With the Magsaysay choir. Part of our big Engagement day :)
Picking strawberries in Baguio with JB & Edard (nephews)
Happy New Year *2012*
One of our engagement pictures :)
* Pray that I can be a LIGHT FOR CHRIST at my internship, where the kids stories, situations, and struggles break my heart. The teachers also need loving.
* Pray for DISCIPLINE in my studies and that I would continue to LEARN and soak everything up
* Pray for WISDOM, GUIDANCE & PATIENCE for Wayne and I as we put our future in God's hands
* Pray for my FAMILY... my dad needs work and Jesus
Friday, November 4, 2011
Update on my Internship
My internship is not exactly what I thought it was going to be, which is neither good or bad. I started out extremely busy, with rarely any down time. I was doing multiple groups and personal counseling sessions each day. For those who don't know, I'm doing a 21 hour-a-week internship at an elementary school (3rd to 5th grade). I also put out lots of fires (conflicts, bullying battles, tears, and teacher frustrations). I lead groups for "new kids" (new to the school), anxiety, positive choices (impulse control), friendship/ social skills, anger management, and divorce/parental separation/ parents fighting. I have a little more downtime now that the "new kids" groups are over. But that only happened just-in-time to start planning classroom lessons. There are 22 classes i have to go in each month and teach a lesson on a hot topic. October was "healthy minds, healthy bodies" and November is "bullying verses bothering". I'm also on the IST (instructional support team) that create interventions (accommodations individualized education plans, behavior management plans, etc) for at-risk and/or struggling kids.
My supervisor must think i'm superwoman because she just keeps loading me up with stuff to do (with no extra internship time to do it). Oh, and let me just say, the principal is awesome. I love her, she's the best, seriously. She recognizes my hard work and really shows how much she appreciates me. The secretaries are hilarious. The things they do when (they think) no one is watching could win $10,000 on America's funniest home videos. Sometimes they dance, sing, talk to themself, and make fun of kids, teachers, and parents - it's all harmless, I assure you ;) Most of the teachers are great too. I've got my favorites for sure... Ms. Pohlemus, Ms. Armani, Ms. Ferrara, Mrs. Lucarelli and Ms. Wrue (not that those names mean anything to any of you).
School days aren't always golden streets. This week has been especially heavy and stressful. Here are some of the worst stories. One day we had to go on a medical LOCK-DOWN because a girl couldn't catch her breath and the hallways had to be cleared so the paramedics could get in. She was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance. Yesterday I had a boy sent to my office because he punched a kid in the stomach for cutting him in the breakfast line. He ended up falling asleep in my office because he didn't sleep the night before... he helps his dad SELL DRUGS. He's only in the 4th grade. I've had another 5th grade boy cry in my arms because his parents are getting a DIVORCE, his dad has custody of him, and they're considered HOMELESS. His relationship with his dad is less than ideal. Today a 4th grader brought a GUN to school and his friend stole it from his backpack and SHOT the bus driver in the leg. I have kids with such high ANXIETY that they have a crying melt-down when their pencil led breaks. Another student asked if I knew what it was like to live in a home where NO ONE LOVES YOU. Parents come in for help because their kids yell PROFANITIES and hit them, refusing to get ready for school. Another set of siblings were KIDNAPPED by their dad, who lost custody because of battery, assault, and domestic violence... he now has custody again (????). There are other kids who i've seen wearing the same clothes nearly every day. A 4th grade girl who wears size 2 jeans WON'T EAT her lunch because people say she's fat. I meet with kids who were ABANDONED by their parents. I've never met so many elementary boys who play horridly VIOLENT video games. Also, i ate lunch with a kid who proceeded to take his sausage, rub it on the bottom of his shoe, and then eat it... that's just gross!
I'll give you some highlights... Standing in the hallways every morning before school and every afternoon after school to greet all the kids "good morning" or "have a good night", receive good morning or good bye hugs, and brighten their days (while they brighten mine). AND hearing the kids sing the school theme song ("Craig Hill's Way to Go) or motto ("healthy minds, healthy bodies") every Friday morning. Also, having kids tell me what all their learning or how they're growing from meeting with me. That totally makes my hard work worth it! I love third graders' gappy-toothed smiles and messy bed-hair.
Even though I love my internship, I totally understand "burn-out". Self-care is rare these days :/ I'm looking forward to a few up-coming breaks from school/internship to get some quality rest and relaxation.
My supervisor must think i'm superwoman because she just keeps loading me up with stuff to do (with no extra internship time to do it). Oh, and let me just say, the principal is awesome. I love her, she's the best, seriously. She recognizes my hard work and really shows how much she appreciates me. The secretaries are hilarious. The things they do when (they think) no one is watching could win $10,000 on America's funniest home videos. Sometimes they dance, sing, talk to themself, and make fun of kids, teachers, and parents - it's all harmless, I assure you ;) Most of the teachers are great too. I've got my favorites for sure... Ms. Pohlemus, Ms. Armani, Ms. Ferrara, Mrs. Lucarelli and Ms. Wrue (not that those names mean anything to any of you).
School days aren't always golden streets. This week has been especially heavy and stressful. Here are some of the worst stories. One day we had to go on a medical LOCK-DOWN because a girl couldn't catch her breath and the hallways had to be cleared so the paramedics could get in. She was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance. Yesterday I had a boy sent to my office because he punched a kid in the stomach for cutting him in the breakfast line. He ended up falling asleep in my office because he didn't sleep the night before... he helps his dad SELL DRUGS. He's only in the 4th grade. I've had another 5th grade boy cry in my arms because his parents are getting a DIVORCE, his dad has custody of him, and they're considered HOMELESS. His relationship with his dad is less than ideal. Today a 4th grader brought a GUN to school and his friend stole it from his backpack and SHOT the bus driver in the leg. I have kids with such high ANXIETY that they have a crying melt-down when their pencil led breaks. Another student asked if I knew what it was like to live in a home where NO ONE LOVES YOU. Parents come in for help because their kids yell PROFANITIES and hit them, refusing to get ready for school. Another set of siblings were KIDNAPPED by their dad, who lost custody because of battery, assault, and domestic violence... he now has custody again (????). There are other kids who i've seen wearing the same clothes nearly every day. A 4th grade girl who wears size 2 jeans WON'T EAT her lunch because people say she's fat. I meet with kids who were ABANDONED by their parents. I've never met so many elementary boys who play horridly VIOLENT video games. Also, i ate lunch with a kid who proceeded to take his sausage, rub it on the bottom of his shoe, and then eat it... that's just gross!
I'll give you some highlights... Standing in the hallways every morning before school and every afternoon after school to greet all the kids "good morning" or "have a good night", receive good morning or good bye hugs, and brighten their days (while they brighten mine). AND hearing the kids sing the school theme song ("Craig Hill's Way to Go) or motto ("healthy minds, healthy bodies") every Friday morning. Also, having kids tell me what all their learning or how they're growing from meeting with me. That totally makes my hard work worth it! I love third graders' gappy-toothed smiles and messy bed-hair.
Even though I love my internship, I totally understand "burn-out". Self-care is rare these days :/ I'm looking forward to a few up-coming breaks from school/internship to get some quality rest and relaxation.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Feelings on grad school & a little lesson about sacrifice
Don't get discouraged by this blog, keep reading, I promise it gets better. But know this, this blog is as much for my own benefit as it is my readers' benefit.
Sadly enough, grad school is all it's cracked up to be. I've got some rough days ahead of me. My current stress level is... off the charts. I can't go to sleep because my mind will not shut down. I've organized my brains out trying to stay on top of assignments, papers, and exams. There's so much to do that seeing it all outlined on one excel spread sheet only makes me feel stressed, anxious, overwhelmed, and unprepared. To top it all off, I don't even start my full-time internship till next week. That will be 17 hours of class and 21 hours of internship. If I go by the old adage "3 hours of work for every 1 hour in class", that will add up to 51 hours of homework a week. (If I exaggerate this situation to the full extent... 51 hours of homework + 17 hours of class + 21 hours of internship = 89 hours. That means 6 hours of sleep each night and a very limited social life.) What's the possibility for all the necessary "self-care" they emphasized in undergrad?
So, for the sake of making this blog meaningful (though while you may view this as complaining, I see this as a valuable venting opportunity... if you disagree, don't tell me) I'll tell you what I'm going to do about this little conundrum (intricate and difficult problem) I find myself in.
First of all, my God is bigger than Grad school :) He is providing so many more teaching opportunities than "just" Social Work Practice with Families and Children. So here's the latest one that he has been repeatedly revealing to me.... so it must be a big deal!
I've been reading through the Bible in a year and I just finished the Old Testament (yay!). Lately, in the 'prophetic' books, God keeps telling His people that He won't accept their sacrifices as they are. Whether they were lame animals, animals with blemishes, not "the best of the best", broken sacrificial rules, or with impure motives. He wants their offerings & sacrifices from a pure heart. He wants the best they can give - the best of the best.
Read Amos 5: 21-23, Malachi 1: 6-14.
So how do I apply that to my own life? What I am facing and where I am now. The biggest offering I have right now is my commitment to grad school. I committed this commitment to Christ as my offering to Him, which should completely change my outlook on grad school. My approach to grad school should be as a learning opportunity - the best it can be. I don't want to do just enough to get by. And I don't want to focus on only getting A's (good grades). I want to get knowledge, skills, and experience. It is a time to learn. I want to FULLY commit myself to it and do the best I can FOR HIM. I want to be a steward to my education. I want to use this as an opportunity to HONOR and GLORIFY Him. To find my calling and niche - and through social work avenues to spread His joy, glory, and love to the whole world. I can't be consumed with a need for perfection (a useless way to spend my efforts). I want my focus on perfection to be perfection for Him. So if that means a B honors Him, then that should be good enough for me.
I don't want to put an academic offering of distraction, ill-preparedness, stress, or low-quality work on His throne. Besides a diploma on graduation day ;) - I want my reward to be better preparedness to serve Him - an eternal reward. The best thing is, I know this will result in multiple more life lessons - lessons about myself, relationships, cooperation, time-management, humility, maturity, patience, love, service, and God.
I can't imagine that I will be able to meet all of my family and friend's communication & relationship expectations... please don't be disappointed. If you see that I'm stressed, just love me and pray for me :)
Sadly enough, grad school is all it's cracked up to be. I've got some rough days ahead of me. My current stress level is... off the charts. I can't go to sleep because my mind will not shut down. I've organized my brains out trying to stay on top of assignments, papers, and exams. There's so much to do that seeing it all outlined on one excel spread sheet only makes me feel stressed, anxious, overwhelmed, and unprepared. To top it all off, I don't even start my full-time internship till next week. That will be 17 hours of class and 21 hours of internship. If I go by the old adage "3 hours of work for every 1 hour in class", that will add up to 51 hours of homework a week. (If I exaggerate this situation to the full extent... 51 hours of homework + 17 hours of class + 21 hours of internship = 89 hours. That means 6 hours of sleep each night and a very limited social life.) What's the possibility for all the necessary "self-care" they emphasized in undergrad?
So, for the sake of making this blog meaningful (though while you may view this as complaining, I see this as a valuable venting opportunity... if you disagree, don't tell me) I'll tell you what I'm going to do about this little conundrum (intricate and difficult problem) I find myself in.
First of all, my God is bigger than Grad school :) He is providing so many more teaching opportunities than "just" Social Work Practice with Families and Children. So here's the latest one that he has been repeatedly revealing to me.... so it must be a big deal!
I've been reading through the Bible in a year and I just finished the Old Testament (yay!). Lately, in the 'prophetic' books, God keeps telling His people that He won't accept their sacrifices as they are. Whether they were lame animals, animals with blemishes, not "the best of the best", broken sacrificial rules, or with impure motives. He wants their offerings & sacrifices from a pure heart. He wants the best they can give - the best of the best.
Read Amos 5: 21-23, Malachi 1: 6-14.
So how do I apply that to my own life? What I am facing and where I am now. The biggest offering I have right now is my commitment to grad school. I committed this commitment to Christ as my offering to Him, which should completely change my outlook on grad school. My approach to grad school should be as a learning opportunity - the best it can be. I don't want to do just enough to get by. And I don't want to focus on only getting A's (good grades). I want to get knowledge, skills, and experience. It is a time to learn. I want to FULLY commit myself to it and do the best I can FOR HIM. I want to be a steward to my education. I want to use this as an opportunity to HONOR and GLORIFY Him. To find my calling and niche - and through social work avenues to spread His joy, glory, and love to the whole world. I can't be consumed with a need for perfection (a useless way to spend my efforts). I want my focus on perfection to be perfection for Him. So if that means a B honors Him, then that should be good enough for me.
I don't want to put an academic offering of distraction, ill-preparedness, stress, or low-quality work on His throne. Besides a diploma on graduation day ;) - I want my reward to be better preparedness to serve Him - an eternal reward. The best thing is, I know this will result in multiple more life lessons - lessons about myself, relationships, cooperation, time-management, humility, maturity, patience, love, service, and God.
I can't imagine that I will be able to meet all of my family and friend's communication & relationship expectations... please don't be disappointed. If you see that I'm stressed, just love me and pray for me :)
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