Update on Life

Wow, so much has happened since my last post!

I have one semester of grad school behind me and only one more to go! I finished last semester with awesome grades, if I do say so myself ;) and an overall GPA of 3.92. For those who don't remember/ didn't know, I'm going to Roberts Wesleyan College in Rochester, New York for my Masters of Social Work with a Child & Family concentration. I'm only taking five classes this semester (instead of six last semester). So, that's 14 credit hours and a 19 hour/week (unpaid) internship. I'm interning at an elementary school 3 days/week. My caseload is heavy but the staff is supportive. Everything is hectic, but I'm really enjoying it and learning so much!

I went to the Philippines for Christmas, which deserves its own blog post (hopefully coming soon!). I spent 20 days with my sweet fiance Aldean Wayne and his family. Surprise, we were engaged on December 26! It was a wonderful day full of memories. Though the 20 days were short, my heart was warm and I left full of joy. It was just what I needed to 'finish strong' and be patient in looking forward to my future with Wayne. However, I already miss him terribly! Time to begin the visa process. Hopefully Jewel & Titus (my sister and her husband) can help with the process, since they just finished it themselves before getting married in October :)

I was able to spend a few days with my family in Indiana over break (before and after the Philippines). I missed them so much. We played lots of card games, board games, and Dominos. If you like funny board games and you've never heard of Quelf you are missing out. Hilarious game. I think everyone in my family took a dashing run to the bathroom at least once so we didn't pee of pants of hysteria. It's great, haha :) My nieces are growing more and more adorable. I miss them already, but I bought my train ticket to go home for winter break, which is in the middle of February... 5 weeks away (we don't have spring break, lame).

I didn't make New Year's "resolutions" per se, but my goals for 2012 are to:
Graduate with my Masters
Get Married
Grow more Mature in Christ

Because posts are always more fun with pictures:

Titus with Mallory (20 months) at Christmas in Indiana

Christmas Eve with my Pablo family <3

Merry Christmas! (Christmas eve)

Merry Christmas! Christmas morning at church

With the Magsaysay choir. Part of our big Engagement day :)

Picking strawberries in Baguio with JB & Edard (nephews)

Happy New Year *2012*

One of our engagement pictures :)

How to pray for me:
* Pray that I can be a LIGHT FOR CHRIST at my internship, where the kids stories, situations, and struggles break my heart. The teachers also need loving.
* Pray for DISCIPLINE in my studies and that I would continue to LEARN and soak everything up
* Pray for WISDOM, GUIDANCE & PATIENCE for Wayne and I as we put our future in God's hands
* Pray for my FAMILY... my dad needs work and Jesus

Update on my Internship

My internship is not exactly what I thought it was going to be, which is neither good or bad. I started out extremely busy, with rarely any down time. I was doing multiple groups and personal counseling sessions each day. For those who don't know, I'm doing a 21 hour-a-week internship at an elementary school (3rd to 5th grade). I also put out lots of fires (conflicts, bullying battles, tears, and teacher frustrations). I lead groups for "new kids" (new to the school), anxiety, positive choices (impulse control), friendship/ social skills, anger management, and divorce/parental separation/ parents fighting. I have a little more downtime now that the "new kids" groups are over. But that only happened just-in-time to start planning classroom lessons. There are 22 classes i have to go in each month and teach a lesson on a hot topic. October was "healthy minds, healthy bodies" and November is "bullying verses bothering".  I'm also on the IST (instructional support team) that create interventions (accommodations individualized education plans, behavior management plans, etc) for at-risk and/or struggling kids.

My supervisor must think i'm superwoman because she just keeps loading me up with stuff to do (with no extra internship time to do it). Oh, and let me just say, the principal is awesome. I love her, she's the best, seriously. She recognizes my hard work and really shows how much she appreciates me. The secretaries are hilarious. The things they do when (they think) no one is watching could win $10,000 on America's funniest home videos. Sometimes they dance, sing, talk to themself, and make fun of kids, teachers, and parents - it's all harmless, I assure you ;) Most of the teachers are great too. I've got my favorites for sure... Ms. Pohlemus, Ms. Armani, Ms. Ferrara, Mrs. Lucarelli and Ms. Wrue (not that those names mean anything to any of you).

School days aren't always golden streets. This week has been especially heavy and stressful. Here are some of the worst stories. One day we had to go on a medical LOCK-DOWN because a girl couldn't catch her breath and the hallways had to be cleared so the paramedics could get in. She was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance. Yesterday I had a boy sent to my office because he punched a kid in the stomach for cutting him in the breakfast line. He ended up falling asleep in my office because he didn't sleep the night before... he helps his dad SELL DRUGS.  He's only in the 4th grade. I've had another 5th grade boy cry in my arms because his parents are getting a DIVORCE, his dad has custody of him, and they're considered HOMELESS. His relationship with his dad is less than ideal. Today a 4th grader brought a GUN to school and his friend stole it from his backpack and SHOT the bus driver in the leg. I have kids with such high ANXIETY that they have a crying melt-down when their pencil led breaks. Another student asked if I knew what it was like to live in a home where NO ONE LOVES YOU. Parents come in for help because their kids yell PROFANITIES and hit them, refusing to get ready for school. Another set of siblings were KIDNAPPED by their dad, who lost custody because of battery, assault, and domestic violence... he now has custody again (????). There are other kids who i've seen wearing the same clothes nearly every day. A 4th grade girl who wears size 2 jeans WON'T EAT her lunch because people say she's fat. I meet with kids who were ABANDONED by their parents. I've never met so many elementary boys who play horridly VIOLENT video games. Also, i ate lunch with a kid who proceeded to take his sausage, rub it on the bottom of his shoe, and then eat it... that's just gross!

I'll give you some highlights... Standing in the hallways every morning before school and every afternoon after school to greet all the kids "good morning" or "have a good night", receive good morning or good bye hugs, and brighten their days (while they brighten mine). AND hearing the kids sing the school theme song ("Craig Hill's Way to Go) or motto ("healthy minds, healthy bodies") every Friday morning. Also, having kids tell me what all their learning or how they're growing from meeting with me. That totally makes my hard work worth it! I love third graders' gappy-toothed smiles and messy bed-hair.

Even though I love my internship, I totally understand "burn-out". Self-care is rare these days :/ I'm looking forward to a few up-coming breaks from school/internship to get some quality rest and relaxation.

Feelings on grad school & a little lesson about sacrifice

Don't get discouraged by this blog, keep reading, I promise it gets better. But know this, this blog is as much for my own benefit as it is my readers' benefit.

Sadly enough, grad school is all it's cracked up to be. I've got some rough days ahead of me. My current stress level is... off the charts. I can't go to sleep because my mind will not shut down. I've organized my brains out trying to stay on top of assignments, papers, and exams. There's so much to do that seeing it all outlined on one excel spread sheet only makes me feel stressed, anxious, overwhelmed, and unprepared. To top it all off, I don't even start my full-time internship till next week. That will be 17 hours of class and 21 hours of internship. If I go by the old adage "3 hours of work for every 1 hour in class", that will add up to 51 hours of homework a week. (If I exaggerate this situation to the full extent... 51 hours of homework + 17 hours of class + 21 hours of internship = 89 hours. That means 6 hours of sleep each night and a very limited social life.) What's the possibility for all the necessary "self-care" they emphasized in undergrad?

So, for the sake of making this blog meaningful (though while you may view this as complaining, I see this as a valuable venting opportunity... if you disagree, don't tell me) I'll tell you what I'm going to do about this little conundrum (intricate and difficult problem) I find myself in.

First of all, my God is bigger than Grad school :) He is providing so many more teaching opportunities than "just" Social Work Practice with Families and Children. So here's the latest one that he has been repeatedly revealing to me.... so it must be a big deal!


I've been reading through the Bible in a year and I just finished the Old Testament (yay!). Lately, in the 'prophetic' books, God keeps telling His people that He won't accept their sacrifices as they are. Whether they were lame animals, animals with blemishes, not "the best of the best", broken sacrificial rules, or with impure motives. He wants their offerings & sacrifices from a pure heart. He wants the best they can give - the best of the best.

Read Amos 5: 21-23, Malachi 1: 6-14.

So how do I apply that to my own life? What I am facing and where I am now. The biggest offering I have right now is my commitment to grad school. I committed this commitment to Christ as my offering to Him, which should completely change my outlook on grad school. My approach to grad school should be as a learning opportunity - the best it can be. I don't want to do just enough to get by. And I don't want to focus on only getting A's (good grades). I want to get knowledge, skills, and experience. It is a time to learn. I want to FULLY commit myself to it and do the best I can FOR HIM. I want to be a steward to my education. I want to use this as an opportunity to HONOR and GLORIFY Him. To find my calling and niche - and through social work avenues to spread His joy, glory, and love to the whole world. I can't be consumed with a need for perfection (a useless way to spend my efforts). I want my focus on perfection to be perfection for Him. So if that means a B honors Him, then that should be good enough for me.

I don't want to put an academic offering of distraction, ill-preparedness, stress, or low-quality work on His throne. Besides a diploma on graduation day ;) - I want my reward to be better preparedness to serve Him - an eternal reward. The best thing is, I know this will result in multiple more life lessons - lessons about myself, relationships, cooperation, time-management, humility, maturity, patience, love, service, and God.

I can't imagine that I will be able to meet all of my family and friend's communication & relationship expectations... please don't be disappointed. If you see that I'm stressed, just love me and pray for me :)

The Start of my Adventure

I've been living here in Churchville, New York for one month now. I have finished 3 summer classes and have 8 credit hours of grad classes behind me. I'm settled into my room. I know my way around town without a GPS. I've begun orientation at my internship, with over 30 kids on my caseload. I finally found a church I can call "home" for one year. I've made some wonderful friends.

With Margie & Maria, two of my housemates

Living in New York has taken adjustment. I visited 4 churches before I found "the one" I can call "home" for a year. I get made fun of for my "accent." Words here are pronounced pretty different from at home.Speed limits are way slower (yikes) and prices for things are much higher (yikes again). The towns are small and it takes about 15 minutes to get anywhere. Except this wonderful ice cream shop that is in walking distance (1.2 miles). Between my housemates and I, we've already utilized 2 emergency services - the emergency room and the police department. We'd like to not have to use any more :) There's tons of huge, old and colorful houses. When my housemates and I are bored we go on walks. Our landlord also has a pool, which was nice during the ridiculous heat wave.

With Caren at Darian Lake Theme Park

I finished my summer classes today, whew. I took a class about integrating religion and social work, which was interesting and I learned a lot. We studied different faiths and it makes me so thankful I was born and raised in a Christian family. The world "Christian" has come to mean a lot more to me. Evidentially religions like Mormonism and Christian Science are considered denominations of Christianity, because they "believe in Jesus", which blows me away, because they don't believe in Jesus the way I believe in Jesus. This has become a real "hot button" issue for me, which I'll refrain from posting any more about, unless I get fired up again ;) The other class was Research, Practice, and Statistics. Eh, it was ok.

What's next semester look like? Busy. 6 classes with 17 credits hours and 13 text books, and a 21 hour-a-week internship. That's a full-time job, plus hours of homework, taking care of myself, Church, and my friends. I'm debating getting a part-time job so I can make some money, however I honestly don't think that's a good idea... eeek, what to do? :/

Craig Hill Elementary School, where I'm doing my social work internship

Anyways, I have 12 days before the semester starts (Aug 29). I plan on sleeping in, starting Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred (when my dvd comes), scrapbooking my time in the Philippines with my handsome boyfriend, and going to the Museum of Play (a children's museum on steroids!!!) with my girls. I also have a full day of training at my internship. Should be fun and relaxing, that's the goal at least.

Looking Back on God's Faithfulness

Two and a half weeks ago I moved to New York, knowing no one.
A month ago my grandma was diagnosed with melanoma cancer.
Six weeks ago I left him in the Philippines, again.
Four months ago I graduated and said goodbye to my IWU college friends.
Eight months ago I changed from full-time student to full-time intern case manager.
Eleven months ago I started my senior year of college.
One year ago (this week) I was very sick with mono.
Thirteen months ago grandma was hospitalized, on a ventilator.
Fourteen months ago I said "see you later" to the Philippines.
Fifteen months ago I spent a whole summer "by myself" in the Philippines.

These were all scary things. 
But each ones results in a success story.

Two and a half weeks ago I moved to New York, knowing no one.

Two and a half weeks ago I made some amazing new friends. I have opportunities I would have never had anywhere else.

A month ago my grandma was diagnosed with melanoma cancer.

A month ago my grandma had an opportunity to have surgery and save her vision.

Six weeks ago I left him in the Philippines, again.

Six weeks ago God taught me an awesome lesson in faithfulness and trust. He reminded me to find my blessings and pleasure in Him.

Four months ago I graduated and said goodbye to my IWU college friends.

Four months ago God rewarded my hardwork. 

Eight months ago I changed from full-time student to full-time intern case manager.

Eight months ago God put me in an opportunity to learn and then confirmed His call on my life. He broke my heart for what breaks His.

Eleven months ago I started my senior year of college.

Eleven months ago God opened new doors of ministry opportunities.

One year ago (this week) I was very sick with mono.

One year ago God revealed His awesome, healing power! He showed me that I am never alone.

Thirteen months ago grandma was hospitalized, on a ventilator.

Thirteen months ago God reminded me the value or family and of prayer. He worked a healing miracle.

Fourteen months ago I said "see you later" to the Philippines.

Fourteen months ago God blessed me with a most wonderful gift. He also taught me lessons on patience,  reliance on Him, and perseverance.

Fifteen months ago I spent a whole summer "by myself" in the Philippines.

Fifteen months ago God revealed His vision and plan for my life. He stretched my comfort zone and broadened my horizons.

Don't get caught in your "yesterdays" of the past. Find joy in the midst of your trials, and move on with a lesson learned. Trust Him when you doubt. Seek Him always! Thank Him for everything! Praise Him forever! Look forward to the bright future He has for you. Find opportunities to learn and serve everyday. You don't know when today is all you'll have, so make the most of it!

Life is so Exciting

I'm having a hard time falling asleep tonight because I keep thinking about how God is good. Seriously, He's so good. He's so awesome. [I'm really trying hard right now to not use the word awesome in any sense other than describing God, because nothing is as awe-inspiring as Him.] My life is so good right now and I can't help but to give all glory and praise to Him! [I'm also trying to devoutly practice the Sabbath and refrain from doing school work. This was difficult in undergrad, which means it will be so much more difficult here. But I know this will be extremely rewarding if I remain faithful. Only in His strength!] :)

I've been living in New York now for two weeks, and I couldn't possibly have imagined I would be as happy to be here as I am now. 

* I have made some wonderful new friends (and still have wonderful old friends at home!). They challenge and inspire me. They hold me accountable and push me to grow. They're increasing my comfort zone and opening my eyes to new ideas.

* The things I am learning in class are exciting, inspiring, motivational, and challenging. I actually look forward to going to class and doing homework. I don't want to take the easy route.

* God provided enough financial aid to cover my tuition plus some. 

*He gave me peace in one of my biggest worries - finding a home Church for the year that I'll be here. There is a wonderful young adult Bible study to attend and young adults to fellowship with.

* My housemates and easy to live with, we get along great, and have fun times together.

* The social work program is full of diversity. My housemates are diverse. My professors are diverse. My new Church is diverse. I love diversity.

* God opened the doors to a wonderful internship. It's the perfect exposure/experience for what I want to do with my life. My supervisor seems great. I'm excited about starting.

* I have a homey place to stay in and call mine. I feel safe here.

* My landlord has become like family - he lets me crash his pool to swim (and sunbathe) on hot days. 

* I have wonderful family back home who are supporting me through everything. They want to hear about the small details of my life, which i like to share.

* I have fantastic Church-family back home who are so encouraging. They send me cards and bulletins in the mail.

* I have an amazing boyfriend who is faithful and patient with me during this transition.

* God is taking care of my grandma and healing her. He provides encouragement and peace when her road to recovery takes a detour. He comforts me when I want to be by her bedside. He reassures me that she is loved and cared for.

* God has renewed His passion and calling on my life. I have peace about where He is taking me. I am excited about what He has in store for me. I trust Him that this where I should be.

* And finally, I have a week off between Summer classes and the semester starting so that I can actually breathe :)

The Beginning of the End

is just plain bittersweet. 


I've been doing a 32 hour/per week internship at Debra Corn Agency, which has really turned into 34-37 hours per week.  I'm there Tuesday-Friday and have seminar on Mondays. I've been there since January. Let's just say I loooove my job there! It's a foster care & adoption agency and I've been a case manager with a case load of 5 kids from 3 different families in 4 different foster homes. I've got a baby girl, 3 elementary boys, and a high school girl. I would honestly stay there longer if I could. And if I could keep one or two or three of these kids, I honestly would do that too.

I only go to my internship 9 more times. My last day is Thursday, April 21. Today I went to my last staff meeting and today I mailed off my last 5 monthly reports. Monday was my last foster parent training. I only have 10 more home visits, 1 more supervised visit, and 2 more private one-on-ones with 2 of my kids - the other kids I'm just going to steal from school and take them out anyways, hehe ;). I think ice cream will be a treat worthy of the celebration. I'm not really a crier, but I'm going to cry when I leave, maybe not in front of people, but I will cry. 

These kids have attachment issues, behavioral problems, and academic concerns. Their family lives are junked up and their self-esteem is lower than low. Their outlook is uncertain and their future is seemingly hopeless. They want to go home and yet at the same time that is the last place they want to be. Some of these kids in my agency have been in foster care longer than they haven't - they've gone through more crap in their short lives than I have in 22 years. They carry baggage that it will take years of counseling and the love of Jesus to remove. They don't anyone, not even themselves.

Working with them for 4 months, have I made a difference? I'd like to say I have. I'd like to believe that when I tell them "Goodbye" they will have more hope and better understand love than when I said "Hello." They don't necessarily have to remember "Miss Jessie," I just want them to remember what I tried to represent. I want to tell them "Everything is going to be okay," but from their perspective of "okay", that's not a promise I can make. I just want to leave knowing they will be happy, healthy, and loved for the rest of their lives. I want them to grow up in a home where they will find Jesus.

I'm all for family reunification, but some of these parents just don't deserve these kids - they don't deserve a second chance. Their parental rights and reproductive organs should be ripped away from them. That's not the Christ-like attitude of grace and forgiveness I'm supposed to show, but I've seen the hurts, pains, and burdens these kids carry because of their parents, and I don't want these kids to go through hell and back again. Please judge, don't do it. There's one, just one, family that I work with who I would like the see the kids reunited with their mom, but I know with her they'll still have a rough road ahead of them. I just hope she has an amazing support system.

The end is also sweet too...
Not too many days after the end of my internship will be graduation.
Not too many days after graduation I will be in the Philippines.
Not too many days after the Philippines I move to New York for grad school (which is also bittersweet).
Not too many days after grad school I'll be starting a new phase of my life.
That phase of my life holds marriage, starting a family, and new ministries and opportunities.

My future is secure and filled with hope. People love me - I have people to love. God is so good!