Back in School

Wondering what I mean by "Back in school"? Yes, I already graduated and I'm certainly not going to be pursuing another degree any time soon. I swore after college I would be done, then I went for my Masters. I switched from Special Education major to Social Work because I didn't want to work in a school, then I was a school social worker. When that ended, I thought 'surely i'm done now'. Well, the road of unemployment has ended with a job at the Lakeview Day Care. I'm teaching kids their colors, letters, and numbers, how to poop and pee on the potty, and eat at a 'big kid' table.

It's weird being at the day care because it is in the building where I used to attend high school. (It was a private Christian school which closed a few years ago due to financial hardship, a sad day for us alumni). Now I'm changing diapers where I used to learn science, feeding kids where I used to have lab, putting kids down for naps where I learned history, playing with kids where I checked out books from the library, and coloring pictures where I learned English. Now the babies' mommies and daddies are putting their extra clothes in my old locker. Did I already say it's just weird to me?!?! It doesn't look the same, feel the same, or smell the same.
I thought I handled kids' nastiness pretty well, but I guess not. Some of the kids have some disgusting habits that really gross me out. Sometimes I don't want to touch them, but I just grab some baby-wipes and clean them up. I just cannot hold a kid's hands after I see him pick his nose, eww. Maybe i'll be better after I'm a mom... I just feel like all the gross habits are intensified when there are 20+ kids.

Jewel (my twin sister) used to work there. It has taken forever to get the workers to call me "Jessie" instead of "Jewel". Many of the kids give me a weird look like they know me, but can't figure out who I am. Lots more call me "Jewel" or some other form of Jewel like "Dewel" or "Jewl".

Working at a dare care is definitely not what I want to do with the rest of my life. And really, to be honest, it's not really what I want to be doing with my life now. Some weeks I'm working over 40 hours a week at the day care. Don't get me wrong - I love kids, but this is different. But, it's a paycheck and a way to spend my day. When I have my Masters degree this minimum wage crap is going to get really old, really fast. I'm still actively looking for a job. I had an interview today and I'm praying it went as well as I think it did and hoping I'll get a positive call soon! Until then, I'll continue to enjoy wearing jeans and a casual shirt (a pleasure most professional social work jobs do not assume).

I haven't forgotten that God has a plan. Even though I may feel like Joseph (enslaved in Pharaoh's dungeon for 7 years because the cupbearer didn't follow through with his promise/favor). Good will come out of it in the end and He'll use me in a big way!

Unemployment

One of my favorite old ladies at church called me over to her yesterday and shared this quote with me - "God's got really long sleeves. You never know what's up them!" She knew I'm really discouraged about not having a job and wanted to encourage me. Sometimes old people are just the greatest, unless you're driving or walking behind them ;) This particular lady is real spunky!

I'm getting really tired of not having a job. I had one, but then God closed the door. I "have reasons" to be bitter about it, but bitterness isn't worth the energy it sucks up. So, I've applied to basically every social service place in my surrounding area. I'm not being picky, I just prefer to not relocate. Anyways, on one of my breaks from researching jobs, writing resumes, and filling out applications i met with a dear friend for coffee. We had such a great time and both left so encouraged. I was sharing one of my stories for her, but God probably used it even more to speak to me in my present situation.

My sophomore year of college I signed up to lead a mission trip with World Impact (school organization). I was all set and ready to go to Haiti, but God closed the door. So, I made other arrangements and started preparing to go to Honduras. But God closed that door too. I was so frustrated and discouraged. I had no clue what God was doing. It wasn't what I wanted. But, then God opened a door to the Philippines. I had already been there, but this time God wanted me to lead my own team there. I obeyed and went. If I wouldn't have gone... yikes. I wouldn't have met Aldean. I wouldn't have as many great friends there as I have. I would not have learned the lessons I've learned there or made the spiritual and personal growth. I wouldn't know the love of the Pablo family. I wouldn't have kids calling me Ate. I wouldn't have tasted the wonder of lumpia sariwa, tamarind, or taho. And, I wouldn't have gone back, and back, and back again.

So, how's that apply to my life now? Well, God has closed one door already. I don't know how many more jobs I won't hear back about, letters/emails saying the position has been filled, or interviews I'll go to without getting offered a job. But, God is still faithful and He has a plan. This is stretching me and testing my faith and reliance on Him, but I hope it will prove me to be faithful and obedient. I must trust He will provide (because He will!) and pray for His direction, wisdom, and guidance. There's a lesson to learn in all of this and hopefully a wonderful job along the way.

Lord, show me your will and draw me to my knees.

Lessons from Rochester

I spent the last year of my life in Rochester, New York. I came here for grad school, but learned so much more than that. I came expecting to really just go with the flow and focus strictly on academics. But, it has been so much more than that.

I go to a small group Bible study on Sunday nights in a family's home. This has been a wonderful experience. Our last Sunday together, they asked me to share about all the things I've learned while I've been here.

* God has taught me the importance of community. I need to prioritize people - it's not about things or grades. The people around me have been such a blessing, a support system and true source of encouragement. I need to invest in others and allow them to invest in me.

* I learned the importance of my friends and family. At times, it was so very hard to be away from my loved ones at home and in the Philippines. I cherished the quality time I have had each time I had a chance to go home. I am more than excited to go home, but now with renewed interest in developing those relationships even further and utilizing them for what they really can be.

* This was my first time to be "on my own." I learned more about cooking and budgeting. I learned about keeping up a car and house. 

* While I was here, I experienced some of the driest spiritual times of my life. It is so difficult to get back up once you've been down, but God is faithful to those who are faithful to Him. He was available when I sought Him. God helped me develop more intimate personal devotion time. He taught me the importance of getting fed throughout the week and not only relying on nourishment and rejuvenation at church. I cannot let my spirituality be circumstantial. I also learned it is my responsibility to be proactive to avoid temptation. 

* Since January, James 1:19 has been key. "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." I don't like to admit it, but I have a temper. I never wanted to be "that person" who was known to have a short fuse, but most people who know me well, know it anyways. So, I finally admitted this to myself and decided to work on it. God worked in me in this area and helped me find success (though this is still an area to work on). I believe my reactions are now more gentle and thoughtful. I give God all glory and praise for this, because this is definitely not something I could do alone!

* I have learned how to be a witness in small ways. I can't directly share or witness at my internship, because I am in a public school. I have learned how I can be a light through my actions and lifestyle. I've also faced this in my house, where I sit back when stuff happens instead of being a positive light. If I can't even shine in little ways, when and where it is easy, how can I expect God to put me in "big situations" and trust me to make a difference. 

* I practiced the spiritual disciplines as a requirement for my social work and theology class. Through this, I grew so so so much. God made "teachability" a key word for my life this semester. I reflected on my life and the things I want to change about myself (personality, character, habits, etc). Self-awareness is key to growth. I opened myself to learning to become a better person, more Christlike.

* God taught me He is ultimately in control. I can't even control the things I think I can control. 

* God has amazed me while I've been here. First, He got me to Rochester. This school was not even on my radar of a possibility, I hadn't even heard of it. I never wanted to go so far away for school. But being here has been the best thing. God got me a wonderful internship, way better than I could have expected or dreamed - seriously so perfect for me! God provided me housing and great housemates that I got along with well (we had fun together and were good support). He kept me safe and healthy. He sent a mild winter. He provided the way for me to go to the Philippines for Christmas break when Aldean couldn't come here. He led me to a church with a wonderful small group Bible study to be apart of. He healed my grandma, so she's there to keep loving me when I get home. I think He has even provided me a house to rent when I get home, to prepare a home for my husband and myself. I also have a job after graduation. A job that practically fell into my lap. I'm super super excited about it!

* Finally, I learned to become more laid back.

These are just some of the lessons I learned while being here. None of these were easy processes. Worthwhile change is always hard. They're also not immediate, so I still have work to do. Hope I never forget this things.

Philippians 3:13, 14: "I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

The small town where I lived is Churchville. Maria and Margie were two of my housemates. This was taken one of our first weekends here. 

Why do I stress so much? I wish I knew the answer.

Why do I stress so much???
I wish I knew the answer.
Only a few days left until graduation. In twelve days I will walk across the stage to get my Masters of Social Work. I only have one paper left to write, and it's already half-way done. I only have 3 more days of internship. I only have two more classes left.
I'm not stressed about my academics.
I'm stressed about packing, and loading everything into the car.
I'm stressed about "hosting company" when two of my housemates are also "hosting company" at the same time. There will be 10 people staying in our house and 8 others staying in hotels.
After that is all said and done, there will just be new things for me to stress about.
Why do I stress so much???
I wish I knew the answer.
When I get home, I'm going to be stressed unpacking my things.
I'm going to be stressed moving back into my room... at my parents house.
I'm going to be stressed looking for housing, and wondering if I found the "right" place at the "right" price.
I'm going to be stressed about my job. I am stressed about my job.
I'm going to be stressed about borrowing a car when I don't own one.
I'm going to be stressed about paying back my school loans and supporting myself.
I'm going to be stressed about transitioning back to life at home.
I'm going to be stressed about buying a new computer. I am stressed about a new computer.
I'm going to be stressed about planning a wedding... stressed about bridesmaids dresses and groom/groomsmen attire... stressed about family attending... stressed about the reception... stressed about the date... stressed about the photography... stressed about the honeymoon.
I'm stressed about loosing weight for it.
I'm stressed about Aldean's fiance visa. Stressed about where he'll live till we're married.
Why do I stress so much???
I wish I knew the answer.
I'm stressed that I'm so stressed.
I'm stressed that I'm always stressed.
I'm tired of the stress never going away.
Life is good. I am happy. I am healthy. I am blessed. I take care of myself.
I know God has control. I know things will work out alright.
But I'm still stressed.
I don't think a vacation will help.
Why do I stress so much???
I wish I knew the answer.
I think I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder....
I think I always have....
I just don't want to admit it...
I studied to learn to help other people with this. But I can't help myself through it.
Why do I stress so much???
I wish I knew the answer.

Child Abuse Prevention Month

A report of child abuse is made every 10 seconds in the United States. The Indiana Child Abuse and Neglect Hotline received over 151,000 reports of child abuse just last year. The Agency responded to almost 95,000 of these reports to assess the allegations.

The sheer number of these reports is staggering. But the real tragedy is that each of these reports represents an Indiana child in harm’s way.

April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month. The first official recognition of Prevent Child Abuse Month was in 1983 as Congress and other advocates looked for ways to increase public awareness of the need to protect children from abuse and neglect. Since that time blue ribbons and pinwheels have become symbols of the national movement to end child abuse.

The statistics are alarming. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services reports that five children die every day as a consequence of child abuse. In Indiana, 198 innocent children died from abuse or neglect during State Fiscal Years 2006 through 2010. The vast majority of those cases involved children under the age of five.

While child maltreatment is a complex problem, there are often contributing factors that play a role in abusive behavior: poverty, divorce, drug abuse, stress, and job loss, to name a few. While not all parents who face these challenges are child abuses, it is important for someone—a family member, friend, co-worker—to be there for that parent to offer support and get involved if there is a concern children may be in danger.

April is also a time to recognize that everyone in the community should play a part in promoting the well-being of children. As community members, we all play a big role in the positive development of our children. We have a tremendous influence on them, even when we think they’re not watching. An involved, caring adult can prevent harm to a child caused by an abusing or neglectful parent.

We as a community can’t sit silently and allow child abuse to continue. There are countless ways we can all get involved. Whether by becoming a foster or adoptive family, volunteering at or making financial contributions to local agencies, or simply spreading the word about awareness and prevention campaigns, everyone has a responsibility to prevent child abuse.

Local DCS offices and other entities have scheduled events throughout the state to coincide with National Child Abuse Prevention Month. Some will offer tips on how to recognize signs of abuse or neglect or how to report it. Others are featuring seminars or walk-a-thons and other fund-raisers. I encourage you to call your local Department of Child Services office to find out about events in your local area and then join us as we all work together to help keep Hoosier children safe. You can find the phone number to your local office by going to this website:   http://www.in.gov/dcs/2372.htm .

Preventing child abuse begins when everyone takes responsibility for making the community safe for all children. Children are the future of Indiana and deserve the best communities can offer. We all have a part to play in protecting them. Please, let’s all get involved. Not only is it the right thing to do, we absolutely owe it to them.

Sentimental

The warm(ish) weather today has me feeling rather sentimental. I'm sure if I just ignored this feeling it would go away, but alas I chose to blog about it instead.

Reflecting on the past 9 months of living in New York has made me realize how much I'm going to miss when I move to the Philippines. I've only got 2 more months here before going back to Indiana, for an uncertain length of time before moving to the Philippines.

First and foremost, I'm going to miss people. Lots and lots of people. I can't even begin to mention specifics otherwise I'd never stop. (So don't have hurt feelings, because if you're reading this I'm probably gonna miss you too!)

I'm going to miss Reed family reunions in my backyard and Reed family Christmas Eves.

I'm going to miss Thanksgivings with the Ache family and Ford reunions in the summer.

I'm going to miss family game nights.

I'm going to miss K Love Radio.

I'm going to miss my independence of driving wherever and whenever I want.

I'm going to miss playing board games all night long at the Henry's on New Years eve.

I'm going to miss the smell of Spring rain.

I'm going to miss Brookhaven Wesleyan Church and Epicenter youth group.

I'm going to miss English church services, Bible studies, and prayer meetings.

I'm going to miss Mississinewa Valley Band concerts (did I really say that???)

I'm going to miss riding my bike around town.

I'm going to miss family dinners on Sunday with grandma.

I'm going to miss hearing my family yell at the TV when it's on Game Show network.

I'm going to miss my favorite restaurants - Bob Evans and Ivanhoes.

I'm going to miss having a pet cat.

I'm going to miss meat not on a bone.

I'm going to miss girl nights at Janna's.

I'm going to miss watching my Henry and Vinluan kids grow up.

I'm going to miss watching my family grow with more nephews and nieces.

I'm going to miss American pizza. I'm going to miss frozen pizza.

I'm going to miss corndogs and tenderloins.

I'm going to miss James Dean Days and the 4H fair.

I'm going to miss Junior Bible Camp, Jr & Sr High Camp, & Family Camp at Fairmount campgrounds. I may never get to experience a "Married Couples Retreat" there either.

I'm going to miss carry-in dinners at church... They have them in the Philippines, but it won't be the same.

I'm going to miss Pastors appreciation month, kids programs, and the Easter pageant (still not the same)

I'm going to miss microwave and toaster ovens (do they have those in the Philippines? I don't think so...)

I'm going to miss family birthday parties, Mothers Day with my mom, and Fathers Day with my dad

I'm going to miss ice-cream cake with my twin on our birthday.

I'm going to miss sleeping without fear of cockroaches.

I'm going to miss watching fireworks at the Wolfe's and at RJ Basket for the 4th of July.

I'm going to miss Starbucks dates with Andrea.

I'm going to miss understanding everyone and everyone understanding me.

I'm going to miss texting or calling my friends and family.

I'm going to miss breadsticks at Circle K.

I'm going to miss Missions Month at my church.

I'm going to miss leaves changing color in the fall.

I'm going to miss wearing "hoodies".

I'm going to miss playing games in Walmart.

I'm going to miss my home and my neighborhood, where I've lived nearly my whole life.

There have been two family weddings and one family funeral since I've moved here. I already missed my youngest niece's first birthday and I'm going to miss her second birthday because I'll still be in New York. I'm going to miss many birthdays after that. I'm going to miss graduations. I'm going to miss weddings.

The only thing I probably won't miss is snow and winter.

I know I'll make new traditions. I know I'll love my life there. I know I'll make great friends. I know I'll enjoy time with my Filipino family. I know I'll make new hobbies. I know I'll have a great man on my side who loves me very much. ....

Lord, grant me the strength to do your will and to go where you want me to go. Help me to be brave like Ruth, Esther, and Abraham! Who as foreigners in the land were used in mighty ways. Help me to be supportive of my fiance/husband when he goes through the same things I'll go through in the Philippines.

Back from Break

Here in New York they celebrate "spring break" in February. Odd, but still very enjoyable.
I went HOME to INDIANA :) I braved the train again, but this time Margie gave me company! We left Friday night and got home Saturday morning (takes about 9 hours and 15 minutes but is way cheaper than flying). Whenever I hear the train going through time here I always get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, yuck. Margie took the train one stop past me to go home to Michigan. I went home with plans to be productive and accomplish a lot of homework and wedding planning. I didn't check much off my to-do list, but I don't really regret anything.

I had lots of quality time with family and friends. I got to go to my church on Sunday morning and Sunday night. It was sooo good to see everyone! I went to Indy to hang with my favorite oldest sister and her baby girls for awhile before going WEDDING DRESS SHOPPING. I said YES to the most beautiful dress ever - Sorry Wayne, you can't see it yet ;) Three of my six bridesmaids were there and tried on many many bridesmaids dresses, but a decision still hasn't been made about that yet... *sigh*. I had a couple lunch dates with some dear lady friends. I realized Baldwin (IWU cafeteria) tastes much better now that I don't get tired of it e.v.e.r.y.d.a.y. I chatted with a friend at McConn (IWU coffee shop) and hung around there for awhile doing homework, and got a free coffee - yay! I went to youth group and got to share a little testimony about missions (because my Church celebrates February as Missions Month). I also had a great chat with the youth pastor (who will be doing marriage counseling and then officiate Aldean and my wedding). Jewel, Titus and I went to Kokomo to go to two Asian markets which were both closed, lame. At least we had fun at the mall! My family also played tons and tons and tons of games. In case you don't already know this, we are big gamers - card games, board games, whatever, just not videogames! (Titus, Joni, and dad also love Game Show Network on TV, ugggh!!).

In other big news, I had a job interview that went really really well. Hopefully I'll hear word soon and then update all you loyal blog-readers :)

GRADUATION is May 5th, 2012. Yes, 2012. I will OFFICIALLY be DONE in like 10 weeks. Eek, I'm so excited. But, I'm gonna need to take a ride on the motivation bus to get movin' on all this work that has to be done between now-and-then. Yikes! Until then, my blog posts probably won't be super regular (it's not like they are all that regular anyways, haha). Anyways. I should probably get off and pretend like I'm going to go to bed.

Much love <3

A Week From Hell

So, basically this week has been that - a week from hell. Nothing has gone right. Not much has been enjoyable. There have been many disappointments and setbacks, frustrations, and failures. WAY more lows than highs. Family life isn't so great right now. The weather is crap. My internship this week was bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. Some of the kids I work with lives really suck, and there's absolutely nothing they can do about it. I've realized how evil people can be. I've realized how dark souls can be are without Christ. Definitely a challenge to see the positives, though I'm forcing myself to think ahrd and find them.


I've also realized I'm terrible at taking care of myself. The whole hot topic social work words of "self care" have been the lowest priority on my list. I have not been able to process my terrible week, I just vent, which either makes me more mad or turns people of. I'm emotional, short on sleep, eating terribly, physically weak, spiritually exhausted, and loosing sight of my vision. I hurt someone very very very dear to me, and I'm scared of the consequences. *I do not want to lose you. I cannot lose you!*


One of the assignments for my "Integration of Christian Theology and Social Work" class is to read through a spiritual disciplines handbook and practice a different discipline each week. This week's theme is "Open Self To God" and one of the categories in it is Rest. Like whoa I need that. The challenge is to discipline myself by taking opportunities to Rest my Body and opportunities to Rest my Soul. The author said "we're human beings not human doings", which was like a 2x4 slap in my face. Maybe once I learn how to just be I'll be a more enjoyable person (enjoying life and opening up to let other's enjoy me). Eek, this is going to be a hard hard hard lesson to learn.

Engagement Pictures

"This is my fiance"

December 26, 2011 was a wonderful, life-changing, forever memorable day =D A great great great day. In fact, one of the best days of my life! That day Aldean Wayne Arciaga Pablo asked me to marry him! I absolutely said yes. So, I am the soon-to-be Mrs. Aldean Wayne Pablo. Ahh I love it! After that day, Aldean began introducing me to his friends as "this is my fiance". That new phrase became one of my favorite things to hear :) When he was in a funny mood (which is almost always), he would sometimes introduce me as his ex-girlfriend. When he got odd looks he would say "she's my fiance so she's no longer my girlfriend" and I would just giggle.

So, for all who are interested, here's the story <3

Wayne woke me up at 6:30am before breakfast to music outside my window. (I love it when he came to my room to wake me up!) Actually I woke up a few seconds before he came in, but was confused by the music. Two of his friends were playing romantic music outside my window - a classical guitar and a violin. They played one of "our" songs - La Via En Rose by Louis Armstrong. The funny thing is I joked and told them "tawad" which is what you say to Christmas carolers to go away. Haha, I only said it loud enough for Wayne to hear :)


After lunch we went to Luneta Park (zero kilometer). It's a historical park and a common dating place. I knew something was up because he was pretty tense. The funny thing is that he got pulled over (which happened the last time we went to that part of town) for something he didn't really do, and the traffic enforcer was a jerk :/ Which made Aldean more tense so then we got lost, haha. We took one lap around the park and then relaxed at the flag pole for a minute before the Magsaysay choir came up to us one-by-one. (Aldean's brother works at Magsaysay and Aldean' has worked with the choir through leadership camps and devotions for four years. We both attended their leadership camp last June. This is also the same choir wherein a taught a few members things about the US before they came and toured here last summer). There were probably 10-12 members and they sang around 10-12 songs. It was a lot of fun and a joy to see them (so talented) again. They sang some romantic songs (You by the Carpenters), some classic love songs, and some funny songs (Mahal Kita Kasi by Nicole Hyala) in both English and Filipino.

Then we went to dinner at a really romantic restaurant - Vieuz Chalet, a swiss restaurant. We had pasta and pizza and a delicious lemon-grass tea. The view was beautiful, the table was candle-lit, and the server was really hospitable. I just loved the quality time sitting with my boy and soaking up the special moment.

After dinner we went to our favorite dating place  - Cloud 9! It's a restaurant and resort at the top of the city. At night the view is gorgeous because you can look down the mountain and see the city lights as far as you can see. We sat on the viewing deck of the resort for over and hour and just talked. Then Aldean had the band from the restaurant come sing to us, which was serenade #3 :) It was funny because they weren't technically allowed to come to where we were, but they did anyways. They were out of breath from carrying their big instruments up the hill to us, but after taking a couple minutes to catch their breath they sang two more wonderful love songs to us. I loved it. It was romantic and its our place.

I was getting tired so it was time to leave. Aldean had other plans, but changed them to accommodate me, aww how sweet ;) On the way to his brother's (where we were spending the night) we came to one of the trees with my favorite Christmas lights. (They are white & blue LED lights in the shape of ice-cycles, and the lights fall down like it's dripping). He pulled over and suggested we go under the tree. So, we parked and walked around it once then he told me I had one more present to open. I said "what" (fully knowing by then what it was), and he pulled out the box and said "Will you marry me?". I was speechless at first, so he said "does that mean yes?". I said "Yes! Of course! Absolutely!" The ring was gorgeous, everything was perfect. I could not have even dreamed he would come up with a plan that was so special! He made makes me the happiest girl in the world! My smile was so big, and still is as I write this blog post :D

A week later we had our engagement pictures taken by a dear friend and fellow district pastor - Stanley Rabago. First we went to Paco Park. Then, we went to MOA (Mall of Asia), which was one of the places where 'it all started' as a group date.

Update on Life

Wow, so much has happened since my last post!

I have one semester of grad school behind me and only one more to go! I finished last semester with awesome grades, if I do say so myself ;) and an overall GPA of 3.92. For those who don't remember/ didn't know, I'm going to Roberts Wesleyan College in Rochester, New York for my Masters of Social Work with a Child & Family concentration. I'm only taking five classes this semester (instead of six last semester). So, that's 14 credit hours and a 19 hour/week (unpaid) internship. I'm interning at an elementary school 3 days/week. My caseload is heavy but the staff is supportive. Everything is hectic, but I'm really enjoying it and learning so much!

I went to the Philippines for Christmas, which deserves its own blog post (hopefully coming soon!). I spent 20 days with my sweet fiance Aldean Wayne and his family. Surprise, we were engaged on December 26! It was a wonderful day full of memories. Though the 20 days were short, my heart was warm and I left full of joy. It was just what I needed to 'finish strong' and be patient in looking forward to my future with Wayne. However, I already miss him terribly! Time to begin the visa process. Hopefully Jewel & Titus (my sister and her husband) can help with the process, since they just finished it themselves before getting married in October :)

I was able to spend a few days with my family in Indiana over break (before and after the Philippines). I missed them so much. We played lots of card games, board games, and Dominos. If you like funny board games and you've never heard of Quelf you are missing out. Hilarious game. I think everyone in my family took a dashing run to the bathroom at least once so we didn't pee of pants of hysteria. It's great, haha :) My nieces are growing more and more adorable. I miss them already, but I bought my train ticket to go home for winter break, which is in the middle of February... 5 weeks away (we don't have spring break, lame).

I didn't make New Year's "resolutions" per se, but my goals for 2012 are to:
Graduate with my Masters
Get Married
Grow more Mature in Christ

Because posts are always more fun with pictures:

Titus with Mallory (20 months) at Christmas in Indiana

Christmas Eve with my Pablo family <3

Merry Christmas! (Christmas eve)

Merry Christmas! Christmas morning at church

With the Magsaysay choir. Part of our big Engagement day :)

Picking strawberries in Baguio with JB & Edard (nephews)

Happy New Year *2012*

One of our engagement pictures :)

How to pray for me:
* Pray that I can be a LIGHT FOR CHRIST at my internship, where the kids stories, situations, and struggles break my heart. The teachers also need loving.
* Pray for DISCIPLINE in my studies and that I would continue to LEARN and soak everything up
* Pray for WISDOM, GUIDANCE & PATIENCE for Wayne and I as we put our future in God's hands
* Pray for my FAMILY... my dad needs work and Jesus

Update on my Internship

My internship is not exactly what I thought it was going to be, which is neither good or bad. I started out extremely busy, with rarely any down time. I was doing multiple groups and personal counseling sessions each day. For those who don't know, I'm doing a 21 hour-a-week internship at an elementary school (3rd to 5th grade). I also put out lots of fires (conflicts, bullying battles, tears, and teacher frustrations). I lead groups for "new kids" (new to the school), anxiety, positive choices (impulse control), friendship/ social skills, anger management, and divorce/parental separation/ parents fighting. I have a little more downtime now that the "new kids" groups are over. But that only happened just-in-time to start planning classroom lessons. There are 22 classes i have to go in each month and teach a lesson on a hot topic. October was "healthy minds, healthy bodies" and November is "bullying verses bothering".  I'm also on the IST (instructional support team) that create interventions (accommodations individualized education plans, behavior management plans, etc) for at-risk and/or struggling kids.

My supervisor must think i'm superwoman because she just keeps loading me up with stuff to do (with no extra internship time to do it). Oh, and let me just say, the principal is awesome. I love her, she's the best, seriously. She recognizes my hard work and really shows how much she appreciates me. The secretaries are hilarious. The things they do when (they think) no one is watching could win $10,000 on America's funniest home videos. Sometimes they dance, sing, talk to themself, and make fun of kids, teachers, and parents - it's all harmless, I assure you ;) Most of the teachers are great too. I've got my favorites for sure... Ms. Pohlemus, Ms. Armani, Ms. Ferrara, Mrs. Lucarelli and Ms. Wrue (not that those names mean anything to any of you).

School days aren't always golden streets. This week has been especially heavy and stressful. Here are some of the worst stories. One day we had to go on a medical LOCK-DOWN because a girl couldn't catch her breath and the hallways had to be cleared so the paramedics could get in. She was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance. Yesterday I had a boy sent to my office because he punched a kid in the stomach for cutting him in the breakfast line. He ended up falling asleep in my office because he didn't sleep the night before... he helps his dad SELL DRUGS.  He's only in the 4th grade. I've had another 5th grade boy cry in my arms because his parents are getting a DIVORCE, his dad has custody of him, and they're considered HOMELESS. His relationship with his dad is less than ideal. Today a 4th grader brought a GUN to school and his friend stole it from his backpack and SHOT the bus driver in the leg. I have kids with such high ANXIETY that they have a crying melt-down when their pencil led breaks. Another student asked if I knew what it was like to live in a home where NO ONE LOVES YOU. Parents come in for help because their kids yell PROFANITIES and hit them, refusing to get ready for school. Another set of siblings were KIDNAPPED by their dad, who lost custody because of battery, assault, and domestic violence... he now has custody again (????). There are other kids who i've seen wearing the same clothes nearly every day. A 4th grade girl who wears size 2 jeans WON'T EAT her lunch because people say she's fat. I meet with kids who were ABANDONED by their parents. I've never met so many elementary boys who play horridly VIOLENT video games. Also, i ate lunch with a kid who proceeded to take his sausage, rub it on the bottom of his shoe, and then eat it... that's just gross!

I'll give you some highlights... Standing in the hallways every morning before school and every afternoon after school to greet all the kids "good morning" or "have a good night", receive good morning or good bye hugs, and brighten their days (while they brighten mine). AND hearing the kids sing the school theme song ("Craig Hill's Way to Go) or motto ("healthy minds, healthy bodies") every Friday morning. Also, having kids tell me what all their learning or how they're growing from meeting with me. That totally makes my hard work worth it! I love third graders' gappy-toothed smiles and messy bed-hair.

Even though I love my internship, I totally understand "burn-out". Self-care is rare these days :/ I'm looking forward to a few up-coming breaks from school/internship to get some quality rest and relaxation.

Feelings on grad school & a little lesson about sacrifice

Don't get discouraged by this blog, keep reading, I promise it gets better. But know this, this blog is as much for my own benefit as it is my readers' benefit.

Sadly enough, grad school is all it's cracked up to be. I've got some rough days ahead of me. My current stress level is... off the charts. I can't go to sleep because my mind will not shut down. I've organized my brains out trying to stay on top of assignments, papers, and exams. There's so much to do that seeing it all outlined on one excel spread sheet only makes me feel stressed, anxious, overwhelmed, and unprepared. To top it all off, I don't even start my full-time internship till next week. That will be 17 hours of class and 21 hours of internship. If I go by the old adage "3 hours of work for every 1 hour in class", that will add up to 51 hours of homework a week. (If I exaggerate this situation to the full extent... 51 hours of homework + 17 hours of class + 21 hours of internship = 89 hours. That means 6 hours of sleep each night and a very limited social life.) What's the possibility for all the necessary "self-care" they emphasized in undergrad?

So, for the sake of making this blog meaningful (though while you may view this as complaining, I see this as a valuable venting opportunity... if you disagree, don't tell me) I'll tell you what I'm going to do about this little conundrum (intricate and difficult problem) I find myself in.

First of all, my God is bigger than Grad school :) He is providing so many more teaching opportunities than "just" Social Work Practice with Families and Children. So here's the latest one that he has been repeatedly revealing to me.... so it must be a big deal!


I've been reading through the Bible in a year and I just finished the Old Testament (yay!). Lately, in the 'prophetic' books, God keeps telling His people that He won't accept their sacrifices as they are. Whether they were lame animals, animals with blemishes, not "the best of the best", broken sacrificial rules, or with impure motives. He wants their offerings & sacrifices from a pure heart. He wants the best they can give - the best of the best.

Read Amos 5: 21-23, Malachi 1: 6-14.

So how do I apply that to my own life? What I am facing and where I am now. The biggest offering I have right now is my commitment to grad school. I committed this commitment to Christ as my offering to Him, which should completely change my outlook on grad school. My approach to grad school should be as a learning opportunity - the best it can be. I don't want to do just enough to get by. And I don't want to focus on only getting A's (good grades). I want to get knowledge, skills, and experience. It is a time to learn. I want to FULLY commit myself to it and do the best I can FOR HIM. I want to be a steward to my education. I want to use this as an opportunity to HONOR and GLORIFY Him. To find my calling and niche - and through social work avenues to spread His joy, glory, and love to the whole world. I can't be consumed with a need for perfection (a useless way to spend my efforts). I want my focus on perfection to be perfection for Him. So if that means a B honors Him, then that should be good enough for me.

I don't want to put an academic offering of distraction, ill-preparedness, stress, or low-quality work on His throne. Besides a diploma on graduation day ;) - I want my reward to be better preparedness to serve Him - an eternal reward. The best thing is, I know this will result in multiple more life lessons - lessons about myself, relationships, cooperation, time-management, humility, maturity, patience, love, service, and God.

I can't imagine that I will be able to meet all of my family and friend's communication & relationship expectations... please don't be disappointed. If you see that I'm stressed, just love me and pray for me :)

The Start of my Adventure

I've been living here in Churchville, New York for one month now. I have finished 3 summer classes and have 8 credit hours of grad classes behind me. I'm settled into my room. I know my way around town without a GPS. I've begun orientation at my internship, with over 30 kids on my caseload. I finally found a church I can call "home" for one year. I've made some wonderful friends.

With Margie & Maria, two of my housemates

Living in New York has taken adjustment. I visited 4 churches before I found "the one" I can call "home" for a year. I get made fun of for my "accent." Words here are pronounced pretty different from at home.Speed limits are way slower (yikes) and prices for things are much higher (yikes again). The towns are small and it takes about 15 minutes to get anywhere. Except this wonderful ice cream shop that is in walking distance (1.2 miles). Between my housemates and I, we've already utilized 2 emergency services - the emergency room and the police department. We'd like to not have to use any more :) There's tons of huge, old and colorful houses. When my housemates and I are bored we go on walks. Our landlord also has a pool, which was nice during the ridiculous heat wave.

With Caren at Darian Lake Theme Park

I finished my summer classes today, whew. I took a class about integrating religion and social work, which was interesting and I learned a lot. We studied different faiths and it makes me so thankful I was born and raised in a Christian family. The world "Christian" has come to mean a lot more to me. Evidentially religions like Mormonism and Christian Science are considered denominations of Christianity, because they "believe in Jesus", which blows me away, because they don't believe in Jesus the way I believe in Jesus. This has become a real "hot button" issue for me, which I'll refrain from posting any more about, unless I get fired up again ;) The other class was Research, Practice, and Statistics. Eh, it was ok.

What's next semester look like? Busy. 6 classes with 17 credits hours and 13 text books, and a 21 hour-a-week internship. That's a full-time job, plus hours of homework, taking care of myself, Church, and my friends. I'm debating getting a part-time job so I can make some money, however I honestly don't think that's a good idea... eeek, what to do? :/

Craig Hill Elementary School, where I'm doing my social work internship

Anyways, I have 12 days before the semester starts (Aug 29). I plan on sleeping in, starting Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred (when my dvd comes), scrapbooking my time in the Philippines with my handsome boyfriend, and going to the Museum of Play (a children's museum on steroids!!!) with my girls. I also have a full day of training at my internship. Should be fun and relaxing, that's the goal at least.

Looking Back on God's Faithfulness

Two and a half weeks ago I moved to New York, knowing no one.
A month ago my grandma was diagnosed with melanoma cancer.
Six weeks ago I left him in the Philippines, again.
Four months ago I graduated and said goodbye to my IWU college friends.
Eight months ago I changed from full-time student to full-time intern case manager.
Eleven months ago I started my senior year of college.
One year ago (this week) I was very sick with mono.
Thirteen months ago grandma was hospitalized, on a ventilator.
Fourteen months ago I said "see you later" to the Philippines.
Fifteen months ago I spent a whole summer "by myself" in the Philippines.

These were all scary things. 
But each ones results in a success story.

Two and a half weeks ago I moved to New York, knowing no one.

Two and a half weeks ago I made some amazing new friends. I have opportunities I would have never had anywhere else.

A month ago my grandma was diagnosed with melanoma cancer.

A month ago my grandma had an opportunity to have surgery and save her vision.

Six weeks ago I left him in the Philippines, again.

Six weeks ago God taught me an awesome lesson in faithfulness and trust. He reminded me to find my blessings and pleasure in Him.

Four months ago I graduated and said goodbye to my IWU college friends.

Four months ago God rewarded my hardwork. 

Eight months ago I changed from full-time student to full-time intern case manager.

Eight months ago God put me in an opportunity to learn and then confirmed His call on my life. He broke my heart for what breaks His.

Eleven months ago I started my senior year of college.

Eleven months ago God opened new doors of ministry opportunities.

One year ago (this week) I was very sick with mono.

One year ago God revealed His awesome, healing power! He showed me that I am never alone.

Thirteen months ago grandma was hospitalized, on a ventilator.

Thirteen months ago God reminded me the value or family and of prayer. He worked a healing miracle.

Fourteen months ago I said "see you later" to the Philippines.

Fourteen months ago God blessed me with a most wonderful gift. He also taught me lessons on patience,  reliance on Him, and perseverance.

Fifteen months ago I spent a whole summer "by myself" in the Philippines.

Fifteen months ago God revealed His vision and plan for my life. He stretched my comfort zone and broadened my horizons.

Don't get caught in your "yesterdays" of the past. Find joy in the midst of your trials, and move on with a lesson learned. Trust Him when you doubt. Seek Him always! Thank Him for everything! Praise Him forever! Look forward to the bright future He has for you. Find opportunities to learn and serve everyday. You don't know when today is all you'll have, so make the most of it!

Life is so Exciting

I'm having a hard time falling asleep tonight because I keep thinking about how God is good. Seriously, He's so good. He's so awesome. [I'm really trying hard right now to not use the word awesome in any sense other than describing God, because nothing is as awe-inspiring as Him.] My life is so good right now and I can't help but to give all glory and praise to Him! [I'm also trying to devoutly practice the Sabbath and refrain from doing school work. This was difficult in undergrad, which means it will be so much more difficult here. But I know this will be extremely rewarding if I remain faithful. Only in His strength!] :)

I've been living in New York now for two weeks, and I couldn't possibly have imagined I would be as happy to be here as I am now. 

* I have made some wonderful new friends (and still have wonderful old friends at home!). They challenge and inspire me. They hold me accountable and push me to grow. They're increasing my comfort zone and opening my eyes to new ideas.

* The things I am learning in class are exciting, inspiring, motivational, and challenging. I actually look forward to going to class and doing homework. I don't want to take the easy route.

* God provided enough financial aid to cover my tuition plus some. 

*He gave me peace in one of my biggest worries - finding a home Church for the year that I'll be here. There is a wonderful young adult Bible study to attend and young adults to fellowship with.

* My housemates and easy to live with, we get along great, and have fun times together.

* The social work program is full of diversity. My housemates are diverse. My professors are diverse. My new Church is diverse. I love diversity.

* God opened the doors to a wonderful internship. It's the perfect exposure/experience for what I want to do with my life. My supervisor seems great. I'm excited about starting.

* I have a homey place to stay in and call mine. I feel safe here.

* My landlord has become like family - he lets me crash his pool to swim (and sunbathe) on hot days. 

* I have wonderful family back home who are supporting me through everything. They want to hear about the small details of my life, which i like to share.

* I have fantastic Church-family back home who are so encouraging. They send me cards and bulletins in the mail.

* I have an amazing boyfriend who is faithful and patient with me during this transition.

* God is taking care of my grandma and healing her. He provides encouragement and peace when her road to recovery takes a detour. He comforts me when I want to be by her bedside. He reassures me that she is loved and cared for.

* God has renewed His passion and calling on my life. I have peace about where He is taking me. I am excited about what He has in store for me. I trust Him that this where I should be.

* And finally, I have a week off between Summer classes and the semester starting so that I can actually breathe :)

The Beginning of the End

is just plain bittersweet. 


I've been doing a 32 hour/per week internship at Debra Corn Agency, which has really turned into 34-37 hours per week.  I'm there Tuesday-Friday and have seminar on Mondays. I've been there since January. Let's just say I loooove my job there! It's a foster care & adoption agency and I've been a case manager with a case load of 5 kids from 3 different families in 4 different foster homes. I've got a baby girl, 3 elementary boys, and a high school girl. I would honestly stay there longer if I could. And if I could keep one or two or three of these kids, I honestly would do that too.

I only go to my internship 9 more times. My last day is Thursday, April 21. Today I went to my last staff meeting and today I mailed off my last 5 monthly reports. Monday was my last foster parent training. I only have 10 more home visits, 1 more supervised visit, and 2 more private one-on-ones with 2 of my kids - the other kids I'm just going to steal from school and take them out anyways, hehe ;). I think ice cream will be a treat worthy of the celebration. I'm not really a crier, but I'm going to cry when I leave, maybe not in front of people, but I will cry. 

These kids have attachment issues, behavioral problems, and academic concerns. Their family lives are junked up and their self-esteem is lower than low. Their outlook is uncertain and their future is seemingly hopeless. They want to go home and yet at the same time that is the last place they want to be. Some of these kids in my agency have been in foster care longer than they haven't - they've gone through more crap in their short lives than I have in 22 years. They carry baggage that it will take years of counseling and the love of Jesus to remove. They don't anyone, not even themselves.

Working with them for 4 months, have I made a difference? I'd like to say I have. I'd like to believe that when I tell them "Goodbye" they will have more hope and better understand love than when I said "Hello." They don't necessarily have to remember "Miss Jessie," I just want them to remember what I tried to represent. I want to tell them "Everything is going to be okay," but from their perspective of "okay", that's not a promise I can make. I just want to leave knowing they will be happy, healthy, and loved for the rest of their lives. I want them to grow up in a home where they will find Jesus.

I'm all for family reunification, but some of these parents just don't deserve these kids - they don't deserve a second chance. Their parental rights and reproductive organs should be ripped away from them. That's not the Christ-like attitude of grace and forgiveness I'm supposed to show, but I've seen the hurts, pains, and burdens these kids carry because of their parents, and I don't want these kids to go through hell and back again. Please judge, don't do it. There's one, just one, family that I work with who I would like the see the kids reunited with their mom, but I know with her they'll still have a rough road ahead of them. I just hope she has an amazing support system.

The end is also sweet too...
Not too many days after the end of my internship will be graduation.
Not too many days after graduation I will be in the Philippines.
Not too many days after the Philippines I move to New York for grad school (which is also bittersweet).
Not too many days after grad school I'll be starting a new phase of my life.
That phase of my life holds marriage, starting a family, and new ministries and opportunities.

My future is secure and filled with hope. People love me - I have people to love. God is so good!

"A Big Day" ~ Hiking Trip with Brookhaven Youth

Thursday through Saturday (March 24-26) I went on a hiking/camping trip with my youth group. We drove 475 miles to southern Indiana to O'Bannon Woods State Park. There were 30 of us and we had one awesome time. Thursday night we ate elk over the fire (yum) for dinner followed by smores. Instead of the traditional graham & chocolate I used Chips Ahoy cookies (double yum!).  Then the youth played Sardines and Capture the Flag while us old folk (adults) sat by the fire to stay warm :) We had deep, theological discussions about Christianity (or the lack thereof) around the world, the end times, and the Israelites in the desert. When we went to sleep the junior highers were still talking up a storm in their tent, so someone kindly threatened them with "If you don't shut up I'm going to put rocks in your backpacks for the hike tomorrow!" Haha, that got them, then we slept semi-peacefully :) Did I mention that this weekend the temp was in the 30's? Thank you Jesus for warm layers of clothes, super thick sleeping-bags, and tent-buddies to cuddle with.

Friday we started our hike around 10 after a tasty breakfast cooked over the fire. We did a total of 12.5 miles that day. When we reached our campsite there was just enough time to find a tree to pee on and cook dinner before sundown. Saturday we did 6 miles.  I should tell you that I was apprehensive about going on this hike, mainly because it was freezing and I have the knees of an 80 year old woman. However, I had so-much-fun! Some of the hills were near death experiences. I would say down-hill is easier than up-hill, but many of my comrades would disagree. A couple of people took some pretty funny falls - I can only say that because no one was seriously injured. Pastor Tony's brother (Larry) kept saying "What don't kill ya will only make ya stronger" or "The good thing is that you'll feel better when it doesn't hurt anymore." He's rather sarcastic and not sympathetic at all, haha. But, I'm proud of myself that I was never in the back section; most of the time I was leading the middle :) We also spent some time doing "community service" and clearing the path of fallen trees and large sticks. When stopped for lunch along the way I guzzled "5 Hour Energy" for maximum boost :)

I had a great time hiking alongside the youth and spending time talking with them as we went along. I got to know some of them better, which is always a blessing. I love them so much and I'm so glad that I went. I won't get to do many more youth activities like this since I won't be around here after graduation, so I really try to make the most of every opportunity. They all mean so much to me and I'm so proud of the women and men of Christ they are becoming. Also, did I mention the woods were gorgeous this time of year!

Lessons learned:
Easier is never better
Short cuts are not worth it in the end.
Stopping to take a break and rest is best when you do it in the company of friends.
Take time to enjoy your surroundings (sights, sounds, smells) to make the time truly worth it.
Let others' joy be contagious; let your joy be contagious to others.
In the end, you will remember the good times more than the bad.