The Beginning of the End

is just plain bittersweet. 


I've been doing a 32 hour/per week internship at Debra Corn Agency, which has really turned into 34-37 hours per week.  I'm there Tuesday-Friday and have seminar on Mondays. I've been there since January. Let's just say I loooove my job there! It's a foster care & adoption agency and I've been a case manager with a case load of 5 kids from 3 different families in 4 different foster homes. I've got a baby girl, 3 elementary boys, and a high school girl. I would honestly stay there longer if I could. And if I could keep one or two or three of these kids, I honestly would do that too.

I only go to my internship 9 more times. My last day is Thursday, April 21. Today I went to my last staff meeting and today I mailed off my last 5 monthly reports. Monday was my last foster parent training. I only have 10 more home visits, 1 more supervised visit, and 2 more private one-on-ones with 2 of my kids - the other kids I'm just going to steal from school and take them out anyways, hehe ;). I think ice cream will be a treat worthy of the celebration. I'm not really a crier, but I'm going to cry when I leave, maybe not in front of people, but I will cry. 

These kids have attachment issues, behavioral problems, and academic concerns. Their family lives are junked up and their self-esteem is lower than low. Their outlook is uncertain and their future is seemingly hopeless. They want to go home and yet at the same time that is the last place they want to be. Some of these kids in my agency have been in foster care longer than they haven't - they've gone through more crap in their short lives than I have in 22 years. They carry baggage that it will take years of counseling and the love of Jesus to remove. They don't anyone, not even themselves.

Working with them for 4 months, have I made a difference? I'd like to say I have. I'd like to believe that when I tell them "Goodbye" they will have more hope and better understand love than when I said "Hello." They don't necessarily have to remember "Miss Jessie," I just want them to remember what I tried to represent. I want to tell them "Everything is going to be okay," but from their perspective of "okay", that's not a promise I can make. I just want to leave knowing they will be happy, healthy, and loved for the rest of their lives. I want them to grow up in a home where they will find Jesus.

I'm all for family reunification, but some of these parents just don't deserve these kids - they don't deserve a second chance. Their parental rights and reproductive organs should be ripped away from them. That's not the Christ-like attitude of grace and forgiveness I'm supposed to show, but I've seen the hurts, pains, and burdens these kids carry because of their parents, and I don't want these kids to go through hell and back again. Please judge, don't do it. There's one, just one, family that I work with who I would like the see the kids reunited with their mom, but I know with her they'll still have a rough road ahead of them. I just hope she has an amazing support system.

The end is also sweet too...
Not too many days after the end of my internship will be graduation.
Not too many days after graduation I will be in the Philippines.
Not too many days after the Philippines I move to New York for grad school (which is also bittersweet).
Not too many days after grad school I'll be starting a new phase of my life.
That phase of my life holds marriage, starting a family, and new ministries and opportunities.

My future is secure and filled with hope. People love me - I have people to love. God is so good!

"A Big Day" ~ Hiking Trip with Brookhaven Youth

Thursday through Saturday (March 24-26) I went on a hiking/camping trip with my youth group. We drove 475 miles to southern Indiana to O'Bannon Woods State Park. There were 30 of us and we had one awesome time. Thursday night we ate elk over the fire (yum) for dinner followed by smores. Instead of the traditional graham & chocolate I used Chips Ahoy cookies (double yum!).  Then the youth played Sardines and Capture the Flag while us old folk (adults) sat by the fire to stay warm :) We had deep, theological discussions about Christianity (or the lack thereof) around the world, the end times, and the Israelites in the desert. When we went to sleep the junior highers were still talking up a storm in their tent, so someone kindly threatened them with "If you don't shut up I'm going to put rocks in your backpacks for the hike tomorrow!" Haha, that got them, then we slept semi-peacefully :) Did I mention that this weekend the temp was in the 30's? Thank you Jesus for warm layers of clothes, super thick sleeping-bags, and tent-buddies to cuddle with.

Friday we started our hike around 10 after a tasty breakfast cooked over the fire. We did a total of 12.5 miles that day. When we reached our campsite there was just enough time to find a tree to pee on and cook dinner before sundown. Saturday we did 6 miles.  I should tell you that I was apprehensive about going on this hike, mainly because it was freezing and I have the knees of an 80 year old woman. However, I had so-much-fun! Some of the hills were near death experiences. I would say down-hill is easier than up-hill, but many of my comrades would disagree. A couple of people took some pretty funny falls - I can only say that because no one was seriously injured. Pastor Tony's brother (Larry) kept saying "What don't kill ya will only make ya stronger" or "The good thing is that you'll feel better when it doesn't hurt anymore." He's rather sarcastic and not sympathetic at all, haha. But, I'm proud of myself that I was never in the back section; most of the time I was leading the middle :) We also spent some time doing "community service" and clearing the path of fallen trees and large sticks. When stopped for lunch along the way I guzzled "5 Hour Energy" for maximum boost :)

I had a great time hiking alongside the youth and spending time talking with them as we went along. I got to know some of them better, which is always a blessing. I love them so much and I'm so glad that I went. I won't get to do many more youth activities like this since I won't be around here after graduation, so I really try to make the most of every opportunity. They all mean so much to me and I'm so proud of the women and men of Christ they are becoming. Also, did I mention the woods were gorgeous this time of year!

Lessons learned:
Easier is never better
Short cuts are not worth it in the end.
Stopping to take a break and rest is best when you do it in the company of friends.
Take time to enjoy your surroundings (sights, sounds, smells) to make the time truly worth it.
Let others' joy be contagious; let your joy be contagious to others.
In the end, you will remember the good times more than the bad.

Roberts Wesleyan College

I spent Monday-Tuesday-Wednesday of my spring break visiting Roberts Wesleyan College (RWC or Roberts), which really means to say Monday/Wednesday were travel days and Tuesday was the only visit day. Nonetheless, I learned what I wanted to learn, saw what I wanted to see, met who I wanted to meet, and did what I wanted to do. Here's just a tidbit about this new journey I'll be taking soon. Roberts Wesleyan College is located in Rochester, New York. It's more town than city and you can read in my previous post about my apartment there.

I am graduating with my Bachelors in Social Work from IWU on April 30th. I'm going to RWC for my Masters of Social Work. I was accepted into the Advanced Standing program (because I'm awesome), which means I'll graduate with my Masters in only 10 months instead of the traditional 2 year program. I take an online class this June, summer classes (2) in July/August, then the semester starts. It will be a total of 38 credits/units. While I'm there I'll be doing a 500 hour practicum - at a "yet-to-be-determined" agency. My specialization will be Child & Family. The Field Work (practicum) Liaison will make 3 referrals to agencies with my resume. I then call them to arrange phone interviews, talk about job descriptions, and then I ultimately get to chose at which agency I want to work (for free). The ones she talked to me about are school social work, center for Burmese refugees, and a place for homeless women and their families. When I get my placement I'll let you know ;)

Anyways, I was super excited with my visit. I loved the campus and everyone I met. They were all so sincere and nice. Everyone went out of their way to make me feel welcome. I didn't feel as if I was intruding on anyone - they all seemed to truly enjoy what they do and were just as excited for my visit as I was. I took a tour of the campus, met with the Field Work Liaison, Admissions Director (who is also my landlord), Financial Aid (as if there's such a thing), and the Prof for my online class. I also made arrangements for registration. The only disappointment was our hotel didn't have a pool or hot-tub, haha :)

Here are some pics from my tour:

Carpenter Hall - Social Work :)

Carpenter Hall from another angle

Heading towards the library

B. Thomas Golisano Library

This is the newest building on campus - built in 2007

The library was my favorite building on campus.

There is a study area just for grad students and a computer lab open 24/7

(Library) Study area in the library outside the coffee shop

A pretty open layout with lots of study areas.

There are also rooms for group meetings.

Soccer fields and track :)

Rinker Community Center - 

Financial Aid, Presidential people, Human Resources, Registration, etc

Cox Hall - music

Northeastern Seminary

Northeastern Seminary from another angle

Anderson Hall - one of six dorms

Quite the contrast to IWU housing :/ haha

For when I get lost... haha

Just a couple random snapshots of the yucky snow

I didn't get pictures of the cafeteria (Garlock Dining Commons), but when I asked my tour guide about the food she said "It could be worse."I also didn't get one of Voller Athletic Center, which was really neat. The bookstore is there along with a cafe. They had a 25-yard swimming pool, two weight rooms (free weights and cardio equipment), racquetball, and a huge gym/track. Oh, and they have 2 saunas :) How awesome is that!

I like it, I'm excited to go there!

The Apartment

During my visit to Robert's Wesleyan College (Rochester, New York) over SPRING BREAK I spent the day Tuesday with Jim Sheets, the graduate social work admissions director. This was my third time meeting with him. He's the reason I was interested in the school to start with. You can see him standing on the front porch below. Anyways, he has a house he rents out to MSW students from out of state. Everyone currently in the house graduates in May. We went to visit the place and I decided I liked loved it enough to live there. I'm the first one to put "dibbs" in so I got to pick my room.

The house is 3 minutes away from the school. The school is in Rochester but the house address is Churchville. It's in a quaint, little homey-town. There aren't many chains stores, so everything is the personal "Mom & Pop" kinda stuff. I get the feeling that everyone knows their neighbors. In Rochester, 55% of those 25 years+ have at least a Bachelors degree, so I'm assuming it's at least high middle-class living. Pretty much all the houses are big (2 stories) and old. This My house was built in the 1800's. It has it's own drive and enough parking in the back for everyone. There's a nice front porch and a small back patio. All the floors are wooden except the kitchen, family room, and maybe the laundry room. I don't really know what else to say about it. It's very reasonably priced and fully furnished, which means I only have to take my personal belongings (as if I was moving in to a dorm). High speed internet and cable are included... I've never had cable at college so that's super exciting!

There will be 5 of us living here. Two girls downstairs share a bedroom suite with its own bathroom. Three of us will have our own rooms upstairs with one bathroom, though after 5 of us sharing one bathroom last year that will be more than manageable. I'm the first one in but when others put their names in Jim will send us each other's contact info so we can become best buds before we move in :) I didn't take pictures of the other bedrooms, you'll just have to believe me that mine's the best!

This is just a quick little tour of the place.

Outside

Kitchen - fully furnished with 2 refrigerators. Little dinette under the window

Dining room -  through the back you can see the living room.

Living room in the far back - 2 full couches and 2 chairs - windows to our backyard

Two pictures of my room - first at the top of the stairs.
The personal items you see are whoever lives there now, but the furniture stays.

I really liked the horizontal dresser (left of bottom pic) and tall wooden bookcase.

It has a twin-sized bed and three windows. 

It definitely has the smallest closet of all the rooms, but that's okay because I don't need much.

Bathroom - just outside my room

Hallway - looking out from the bathroom. These are 2 more bedrooms.
I'm really excited, much more excited than I thought I would be. It feels much better seeing where I'll live and go to school for 10 months, and I met so many wonderful people there (the school). Though I'm sure nerves will kick in later. For the past four years I've only been living 10 minutes away from home... 10 minutes to 9 hours is a big jump, but I think I'm ready. Living with four other strangers will be different because Jewel's always been around up-until now. I'm sure we'll become friends fast, we've at least got a passion for helping people in common. Once I'm actually moved in (middle of July) I'll repost personalized pictures :)

Derek Redmond ~ Weak leg, Strong Father

We watched this video in youth group.
When Derek stood up and limped to the finish line, I couldn't help but ask myself...

What's my excuse? What do I blame for the reason I get down and can't get back up again? Do I let those roadblocks stop me from doing what I set out to do? Do I still accomplish my aspirations or get too easily tripped up? Do I let the pain of life's events stop me from seeing the glory in the end? Do I let the fear of failure keep me from even trying? Do I have the courage to keep going when my good isn't good enough and everyone else has surpassed me? When I do fall, do I let others come and help me finish? Maybe God gives me those struggles just to test how dedicated I am to my call...

Random thoughts about the "Weather Advisory"

Random thoughts regarding the forecasted icy blizzard and power outage


The IWU emergency supply list says to have "warm pajamas that are appropriate for mixed company"... is there such as thing as warm pajamas that are inappropriate for mixed company? In my mind warm means every body part is covered...

IWU said "make sure your cell phone is fully charged." Do you really need to tell text-aholic college students to charge their cell phones?

They also told us that if we lose power we are not to reside in the building overnight. But, who is really going to wake me up to say we lost power and I have to walk *through the treacherous weather* to the student center to sleep on a cement floor with lights on? I might consider discontinuing that friendship... jk. But really...


Finally, the last bash on IWU's emergency preparation email... They said, "In the event that the power to your Residence Hall goes out, assume that it will not be coming back on." How long is that assumption supposed to last? Forever? hahah·


Is it still considered a blizzard if it is more ice than snow?

If it wasn't for the windchill it really wouldn't be that cold outside. Hell is not going to freeze over

It's just my luck that campus may close when it no longer affects me... my last semester when I don't even have any classes to be cancelled!

I am really really really thankful for the awesome guys that plow our roads and clean our sidewalks. They deserve mucho bonus pay!

Everyone's facebook status is about the blizzard... but surely there's more going on in their lives than that.

The storm is being called "Snowpocalypse 2011"... really? I highly doubt that.

I feel awful for the homeless and those who don't have adequate heat supplies. It makes me want to invite them all over to my townhouse. The school would frown on that though :(

My internship agency isn't closing because "social work problems don't solve themself just because of snow & ice". However, how are social workers supposed to solve those problems if they die risking their lives on the roads?

Even if I wanted to go to work tomorrow I don't think I could get my car out of the not-plowed parking lot

The ice really stings when it hits your face.

Ice pellets going "tink tink tink" against my window sounds rather relaxing... until I remember what they are.

Why does everyone buy milk & bread when there is a storm advisory? They're really not that nutritious or sustaining. I would rather have comfort foods like chocolate and ice cream.

I'm going to get cabin fever if i'm cooped up in my townhouse all day tomorrow. I've already done my homework through next week. Movies movies movies :)

I have the feeling i'll be lulled to sleep with the sound of snow plows passing my window.

I felt like I was defying gravity when I walked on top of 6 inches of snow and didn't sink down because the ice on top was so thick.

A foster parent I met with today said she's out of cigarettes but she's not going to risk her life to go down the street and buy them. I'm proud of her :) But I really wanted to tell her that she's risking her life by smoking them...

I thought ahead and got 2 sandwiches at supper tonight so I don't have to brave the weather to eat tomorrow :)

I was made to live in the tropics not a wintery wasteland.

How much would I have to tip the delivery guy if I ordered pizza tonight? That would be terribly mean.

I wish I had a kitten to curl up in bed with or a fireplace to sit in front of and drink coffee... or both!

I heard of people buying coolers and ice at the grocery store so they could keep their food cold so it wouldn't spoil if they lost electricity. Did they ever think about putting it outside? haha

Though a blizzard is the least harmful natural disaster I can think of, I think I would still prefer something else.  Could a heat wave count as a natural disaster? If so, I chose that!

Prepare for the worst. Hope & Pray for the best.


This is NOT meant to belittle the severity of the situation, only to add humor to our anticipation

My Internship

This semester has totally been way different than what I expected! After 7 semesters of working my butt off with heavy course loads and hours of homework... I am so excited to be where I am now.
This semester I am doing a full time internship at Debra Corn Agency, a foster care and adoption agency. I work 34 hours a week, Tuesday - Friday. (I have a 3 hour seminar on Mondays with the other Social Work seniors in my class. We talk about our internships, debrief experiences, and share stories to learn together.) I'm working as an intern case manager. I have been there since January 10 and at this point I've just been shadowing other case workers while they do home visits, supervised visits, and private time; I go to court, probation check-ins, and doctors appointments; and I also sit in on staff meetings, trainings, and consultations. Last Friday I was given my caseload and slowly I will begin to take over responsibility for those cases. I am terribly nervous and extremely excited.

Already I have learned so much. Some of the exposures I have had have shocked me. It's the kind of things you read about in social work journals but rarely experience in life. The past 4 years of studying social work have certainly confirmed how sheltered I was as a child. Sometimes I ask myself how I can help people through problems with which I cannot relate, but it's the love and empathy of Christ that make it achievable. With patience and dedication, as I relate to people, I will understand their situations more and find ways to help them. And now, the greatest confirmation I am receiving is that this is God's will for my life. I am meant to be a social worker. I have gifts and talents that can (and will) be used to reach out to these at-risk kids in their most vulnerable state. I may not be able to solve all of life's problems, but if I can even make one day brighter for a child, I would consider that an important use of my time and efforts. Though my hope is that my effort will last longer than the day and set them on a life course trajectory of joy, hope, and success - becoming what they are in their greatest potential by moving past the degrading life experiences they face.

After only two weeks I am already emotionally overwhelmed. I've realized the hardest task in social work is to maintain my composer with clients and to separate myself from their problems and not carry their burdens home with me as emotional baggage. I continue to think about the kids, their stories, and our interactions, hours after I am home. Their stories break my heart. I cannot imagine being a social worker and not a Christian because I know I would ask myself "How could a loving God allow this to happen?". These kids do not deserve the crap they face and yet they suffer way more than anyone, especially a child, ever should. But, Christ is giving me the hope to look past present sufferings, the strength to focus on my tasks, and the love to reach out to these kids when they seem unlovable.

Needless to repeat again for fear of sounding insincere, but - I love my job! The kids have won a special place in my heart. My co-workers there area also amazing! I have the best time with them! God is so awesome for working out this placement just for me! I couldn't have dreamed of a blessing this big. The best part is that I know He is using this to prepare me for even greater things!